Maximize Your Strengths as a Highly Relational Leader
I know highly relational leaders. What they do is they create all their relationships at work, and then they say, okay. Well, they can't all be at work, so I'm gonna go get some relationships outside of work. And they spend all the time with these people outside of work, And then they start saying, these people are really great. I love these people.
Alex Judd:I enjoy spending time with these people. And then they get this bright idea. You know what I should do with these people? I should work with them. And and then they find that they're in the same spot that they start with.
Alex Judd:Here's the deal. You don't have to work with everyone that you like. K. I wanna start by being very candid with you. If there's anything good or even great about this episode, my wife gets all the credit.
Alex Judd:And if there's anything bad about this episode or certainly awful, I probably should take all the blame. So let me explain why I say that. My wife used to work for a woman that is probably one of, if not the most highly relational executives I've ever met. This woman was a people person. Man, she was just extroverted.
Alex Judd:She was bubbly. She was so outgoing. She was so likable. And truly, like, we went to church with this woman. We would go out to eat with this woman that Aspen worked for.
Alex Judd:And it was like it was like going to lunch with the mayor because she just, like, knew everyone and then wanted to introduce you to everyone. She's just this incredibly relational person. And in many ways, that was her superpower. And so I had this crazy thought this morning at breakfast. I knew we were gonna be recording content episodes for leaders that listen to our podcast today, and I wanted to talk ask to Aspen about this particular leader.
Alex Judd:And I just asked Aspen. I said, hey. Think about that person. If you could have them listen to any podcast episode, what would the topic you want them to listen about be? And she thought about it for a bit, and she really kinda was intentional and kind of said, oh, man.
Alex Judd:That's kinda hard. And she worked through a couple ideas, and she said, man, I would actually wanna focus on their strength, and I would just wanna give them some reminders about what they should do with that strength. And I thought this was so valuable because just a little bit more context, Aspen worked as the executive assistant. And I think it's so helpful oftentimes not just to talk to the leader, but talk to the executive assistant of a leader to learn so much about how that person's wired, how that person operates. And I thought what Aspen said was so wise and so insightful because she said, I would want them to listen to an episode that was focused on guarding and even doubling down on the thing that they're so uniquely gifted at, and I really want them to feel affirmed in their strength.
Alex Judd:And I heard that, and I I almost left the breakfast table right then, but, I didn't do that. I did get out a notebook and start taking notes because we talked about what does it look like for highly relational leaders to amplify and double down on their strengths. So so this episode is for a very particular person. This episode is for the business owner or leader that, man, relationships are your superpower, that you are a people person. You love people.
Alex Judd:And that, man, you're the type of person that you are at your best when you are connecting with other people, when you're meeting other people, when you're in conversations with other people. The the really, what we're gonna be focused on here is how do you amplify your strengths as being that type of person. Now here's what I would also tell you is I know there's probably 50% of people listening to this, maybe even more that are like, wow. The person that he's talking about is not me. And there's a pretty good chance you've already turned on off this podcast.
Alex Judd:So that's fine if that's the case. If it's not, I think you still can listen to this. I just want you to listen to it in a a very particular way. If that person were, like, man, relationships are their superpower, and they're hyper extroverted, and they're just very outgoing. If that's not you, obviously, that's totally fine.
Alex Judd:You don't have to be that person to be a leader. My prayer is that you work with or for one of these people because they are just such a delight to be around. And I want you to listen to this kinda through two lenses. Number one is although this episode is dedicated at those types of people, there are principles embedded throughout this episode that are really, helpful for anyone that's in relationship. And if you are in the leadership business, you're in the relationship business.
Alex Judd:You can't have leadership without relationship. That's a guiding principle for this entire episode and quite frankly for our company. So so if relationships are a priority for you, there's gonna be value in this episode for you. But here's how else I wanna challenge you to listen to this if maybe relationships aren't your superpower like we're talking about. Listen for indicators of how you could position the people on your team that are this way to be really successful.
Alex Judd:Because there's people on your team that do have this as their gifting, and, man, you can really serve them by understanding, man, this is where they're really good, and how can I support them? How can I set them up to be wildly successful? Because I know for as a matter of fact, that for your strengths, for the things that you're wildly gifted at, you're, man, you would benefit so much from people looking out for you in the same way. So so we're gonna walk through four actions, and that's how I want you to listen to these. So so I'm gonna give them to you high level, and then we're gonna walk through each one really practically.
Alex Judd:Number one is never stop connecting with new people. Number two is stay anchored to your core connections. Number three is don't become so focused on internal relationships that you miss the external. And number four is never allow relationships to become a burden. So for the highly relational executive leader, what what's the first action?
Alex Judd:Well, this one is straight from Aspen's brain to my paper. Right? She literally said these words. And she said, man, that person needs to make sure they never stop connecting with new people. And I just think that's so good because so often, it can be so easy to produce so much that we then have to sustain, and the producing of it gave us all this energy.
Alex Judd:The initiating new connections, the creating new first impressions, the meeting new people, the first conversations, That gave us all this energy, and we came out with all this excitement, this enthusiasm. We were so fun to be around. But then, man, we have to sustain all of those connections, all of those relationships that we created, And what we end up doing is we spend all of our time sustaining them, and we totally stop the thing that created all the energy and enthusiasm and joy, which was the creating, the initiating, the pursuing. And so what we gotta make sure we never stop doing is if this is your gifting, if this is your leadership superpower, never stop connecting with new people. I'll tell you, I am a people person.
Alex Judd:Although I'm not fully extroverted, I actually get my energy from being alone. I love meeting new people. I love connecting with people for the first time, for sitting down for a cup of coffee, or for meeting strangers, for learning and growing in that way. And what I've often found is if there's ever seasons where I'm in a rut or I feel like I'm not growing or I I just feel like a little bit of a funk, one of the kind of litmus tests that I can do is, man, when's the last time I I just sat down with someone new? And I I just sat down and had inspiring conversation with someone that I really wanted to talk to or someone that I really wanted to meet or a connection that I pursued and and initiated and instigated.
Alex Judd:As a leader, you need to make sure that you never stop connecting with new people. And one of the reasons why I think we stopped doing this is we forget about the benefits that come from connecting with new people and or we think that the benefits are entirely selfish. We think, well, I just love doing that, but I've got this whole organizational lead now. We've got so much to focus on. I I can't do that because that's kind of a selfish thing that I do.
Alex Judd:Here's what I would tell you is if you're a highly relational leader, the benefits not just to you, but to your organization, to your team of you connecting with new people are massive. And it's not just the benefits you can immediately think of. So so I'm gonna give you five benefits that come from you constantly connecting with new people. And I want you to use these benefits to frame the way and the manner with which you connect with new people. Number one is the energy that it's gonna give you.
Alex Judd:If you're a highly relational person, you're gonna have a pep in your step. I man, there's some leaders that I work with that, man, I can just tell when they are relationally full. I can just tell whenever they had a really, really energetic conversation with someone. Man, I'll tell you, there's there's a friend of mine that I go running with occasionally here in Phoenix, and this guy is a people person. And we'll go for a run.
Alex Judd:We'll go for a ninety minute run together. I'll tell you, the two of us, it is like stream of consciousness the the entire time we're running. We're just chatting and talking and exploring ideas. He's a leader in his own right and he's incredibly innovative, incredibly creative, very insightful, very thoughtful, and we'll just talk the entire time and I'll come back from that run and oh my gosh, I'll just be better for the rest of the day in everything else I do. When we take time to connect with people and new people and get expose ourselves to new ideas, we gain energy from that.
Alex Judd:Number two, we've already hit on a bit. Learning and growth. If you're that highly relational executive leader, there's a pretty good chance, especially if you're extroverted. If you're introverted, this might be different. But if you're extroverted, there's a pretty good chance that your greatest growth and learning might not come from you sitting down by yourself reading a book.
Alex Judd:There's a pretty good chance that your greatest learning growth might come from you being all by yourself and listening to a podcast. There's a pretty good chance that your greatest learning and growth come from the conversations that you have with other people. And, man, if you're the lid for your organization, which as a leader you are, then that means you've gotta make sure you're constantly growing and you meeting with new people, being exposed to new ideas, understanding different perspectives is the primary way that you grow. Oh my gosh. You can never stop meeting with new people and connecting with new people.
Alex Judd:The third benefit that comes from it that we often overlook is confidence. A lot of times, when we are just in the same relationships that we've always been in, our ideas or the things that we're passionate about or the things that we're uniquely good at, oftentimes, people that we're regularly connecting with get so exposed to them that quite frankly, they just become familiar with them, and they often get overlooked or they're not acknowledged. And it can be so affirming to talk about your business or to talk about your passion or to talk about something that you're learning, with someone that you've never met before because it's gonna give you confidence like, oh, man. There's a lot of value here. Right?
Alex Judd:There there's a lot that we we oftentimes take for granted in our organization. That's okay. That's just natural. Right? But but it's not good for you to lose your confidence or your passion in what you're building.
Alex Judd:And so anytime you get to give the elevator pitch to new people, and you see their eyes light up and you you start to hear them talk about how valuable that is or or how good that idea is, that's gonna build your confidence. That's good for your leadership in all arenas. And then comes the fourth one that is actually probably the most obvious one. So I don't want you to miss energy, learning, growth, and confidence, but then there's also opportunity. Now this is the one that we, you know, I think might be the reason why we sometimes avoid connecting with new people is we think, oh, that's just networking, and you're just looking for ways to make sales.
Alex Judd:The best salespeople I know truly, I believe this. The best sales people I know are passionate about connecting with new people and have zero expectation of sales coming on the back end of those conversations. Obviously, their radar is on, and they know that there could be opportunity for conversions, closes, for for connections, all of that. But but the best salespeople that I know just love connecting with people. They just love people.
Alex Judd:And so they're always wanting to talk to people, and they know that, man, the more I talk to people, it just seems like the more opportunity that comes, which that just makes sense. And then the final benefit is what's crazy is one of the things that comes from connecting with new people is more connections to new people. So it becomes this virtuous cycle where, you are then creating the flywheel for you to stay energized, to keep learning and growing, to stay confident, to pursue opportunity. And so if you are a highly relational executive leader, never, never, never stop connecting with new people in particular. Okay.
Alex Judd:That brings us to number two. Again, this is straight from Aspen. So so if it's really good, she gets all the credit. And if it's bad, it means that I probably didn't take good enough notes. The second thing she said is she said, you gotta stay anchored to your core connections.
Alex Judd:So so she said, man, in working with some highly relational people, and particularly the one we were talking about, she's like, they are at their best when they are constantly pursuing the new, pursuing the different, having these coffee conversations, and pursuing and instigating new opportunities and things like that. But then, also, she said that they've got a handful of core connections that they stay anchored to and connected to. This is actually something that she said the the individual that she worked for that was so highly relational did exceptionally well. And it's also one that I think highly relational leaders are very, very prone to falling short on. And what I mean by that is so often if you're highly relational, what you end up having is a bunch of loosely held connections, like hundreds, if not thousands of loosely held connections and no core connections.
Alex Judd:And so what you need is you need to make sure you understand who your core connections are. That's step one is understand, man, who are the people that I'm committed to doing life with? Who are the people that I'm committed to staying connected to? Not just these one off meetings, not just these circumstantial meetings, not just these, oh, I ran into you randomly, and so now we're gonna meet. Those are good.
Alex Judd:We we hit on all those in point one, but we also need to have these people that it's like, man, I know. I'm seeing you consistently. I'm seeing you regularly because that's gonna keep you anchored. Right? So you need to know who those people are.
Alex Judd:I think it's really good for you to have, you know, three to five core connections. And then for those three to five connections, create rhythms, right, where you're seeing each other regularly, where you're, sharing meals together, where you're maybe spending some time together or doing something you mutually enjoy together. That's gonna be so helpful for you to make sure your relational bucket is filled both with new and regular reoccurring relationships. Here's the other piece of criteria that I wanna give to you that some of you might be thinking you're good in this arena right now, and I'm about to I'm about to cut you off at the knees. Okay?
Alex Judd:So just get ready for it. Okay? You need to have these regular relationships. You need to create rhythms where you're investing in and getting poured into with regard to these relationships. Maybe it's daily, weekly, monthly, all of that stuff.
Alex Judd:Right? Now here's the criteria. They can't all be work relationships. And some of you right now are wah wah wah because you're like, I've got that. And then I tell you they can't be work relationships, and you say, I don't got that.
Alex Judd:Love that you have relationships with the people that you work with. I think that's so good. I think that's so, so healthy for you to have genuine friendships with the people that you work with. I just don't think it's good for all of your relationships to be people you work with. And so you need to have really robust, healthy, relational rhythms with people you don't work with.
Alex Judd:And then on the backside of that, here's the other thing I'm gonna tell you, and this is advice that I've constantly gotta give to myself. Resist the urge to turn all of those relationships into work relationships. I know highly relational leaders. What they do is they they create all their relationships at work, and then they say, okay. Well, they can't all be at work, so I'm gonna go get some relationships outside of work.
Alex Judd:And they spend all the time with these people outside of work, and then they start saying, these people are really great. I love these people. I enjoy spending time with these people. And then they get this bright idea. You know what I should do with these people?
Alex Judd:I should work with them. And and then they find that they're in the same spot that they start with. Here's the deal. You don't have to work with everyone that you like. I would say you should like everyone that you work with, but you don't have to work with everyone that you like.
Alex Judd:And it's good. It's healthy. It's necessary for you to have friends that you don't work with, and you need to resist the urge to turn all of your friendships into work relationships. Okay. So action one was never stop connecting with new people.
Alex Judd:Action two is stay anchored to your core connections. Here's action three. Don't become so focused on internal relationships that you miss external relationships. And here's what I mean by that. Particularly, if you're a business owner, a CEO, or an executive leader, the demands of your business are going to be relationally demanding.
Alex Judd:Now here's what's really exciting is if you have a growing business, there there's the demands of that business are are gonna be relational. Right? If if your business is growing, people are gonna need time. People are gonna need investment. People are gonna need people to develop them, and all those things are gonna be going on internally.
Alex Judd:Here's what's so cool is you're uniquely equipped to do all of that. Right? And so you're gonna be the first person that we look at as like, oh, man. You're the person that can be our our relational person for developing, investing, and pouring into, encouraging, affirming our team. And I see that happen a lot of times that it's like we've got this highly relational executive, this leader, this business owner, then we say, oh, man.
Alex Judd:We need someone that's really relational investing in our internal team. And we take all of that executive's time and point it inward in the organization. And in doing so, we drain or zap the energy from that highly relational leader because we get them focused on things like management and accountability and organization and the ongoing day to day consistent relational work instead of what the actually is energizing for them, which is the new, the different, the fun, the spontaneous, the exciting, the extroverted work. And so what I wanna challenge you to do is guard against being so focused on the internal relational work that's required that you miss out on the external relational work that's actually incredibly life giving for you and necessary for the organization. Here's what I often see to be true.
Alex Judd:Relational leaders that scale. This is important. Highly executive relational leaders that scale their organization. If I think about the most relational leaders that I know and then subtract that list down to the ones that actually scaled an organization, they are always really, really, really exceptionally good at one thing, and that one thing is delegation. They understand that, man, I create opportunity.
Alex Judd:I initiate the relationship. I get people energized. I get people excited. I get people all the warm, fuzzy feelings. I I I make them empowered.
Alex Judd:I make sure we're communicating to them really effectively well. But then once we get into management, accountability, and organization, once we get to that part, I I gotta get it off my hands as fast as possible in a way that's responsible. Now there's a distinction here that I wanna highlight really, really critically. There's a difference between delegating in a way that's responsible and delegating in a way that's reckless. And this this distinction right here so often is the difference maker between relational leaders that scale and relational leaders that stall out.
Alex Judd:There's a the the norm for relational leaders, highly relational leaders, is they create all the warm, fuzzy feelings. They create all the energy. They create all the enthusiasm. They may even do a good job of communicating, but but then their version of delegation is, okay. I'm done with this now, and then they just throw it to the team, and there's no process for handing off training, management, all of that.
Alex Judd:And, obviously, the results are are to call them suboptimal is is not even hitting home at all. Right? It's it's often destructive, if not devastating. Right? So what do we have to do?
Alex Judd:Do all of that wonderful relational work that you're so good at, but then make sure that you've got a process for handing off those people, those relationships, those responsibilities, that work into management, accountability, and organization that is really, really effective. And that takes time. Right? You you can't just throw up your hands and say, I'm done with this now. That doesn't work very well.
Alex Judd:So so what do we wanna remember here? You can't become so focused on internal relationships that you miss out on the external relationships. So, therefore, you gotta get great at delegation. And remember, there's a difference between responsible delegation and reckless delegation, and we obviously wanna be responsible in the way we delegate. So we we've hit on three actions.
Alex Judd:Number one, never stop connecting with new people. Number two, stay anchored to your core connections. Number three, don't become so focused on the internal that you miss the external. And here's number four, never allow relationships to become a burden. Remember who this podcast episode was for.
Alex Judd:This podcast episode was for that person that just is a people person. They just love people. They are at their best when they're around people. And I I'll tell you, there's a lot of you listening to this right now, and and I know a lot of the people who listen to this podcast personally. I'm talking to you right now.
Alex Judd:Right? And sometimes you can get so overcommitted that the thing that you're gifted at and that you actually love starts to feel like an obligation. And here's the principle. If you are ever feeling obligated to do the thing that you love, you're overcommitted. If you're ever, as a chronic pattern, feeling like, I just don't wanna have to do all this stuff with people.
Alex Judd:I just wish I didn't have to meet with people today. I just wish I didn't have to go out and be around people all the time. I just don't really wanna go to this coffee conversation. Right? I just don't wanna go meet new people right now.
Alex Judd:If you are the highly relational person that this episode is for and you're saying that, then the thing that is your gifting that you love has become an obligation, and that means that you are overcommitted. And here's what we gotta remember. Your relational ability is a strength for you. Praise god for that. And and with all of your strengths, this is true, your strength needs a source.
Alex Judd:And what I often see happens is that people rely only on their own willpower to sustain their strength, and your willpower can't sustain your strength. Your strength needs a source. Remember, where did your relational gifting come from? Well, believe it came from the God of the universe. I believe that he created you in a way that he said, man, that one right there, I'm gonna make that person a people person.
Alex Judd:I'm gonna make them really good around people. I'm gonna make them the type of person that can bring joy to others, that can affirm others, that energizes a conversation, that that can add value to other people. I believe that that was what God was thinking when he gave you that gifting. What a shame would it be if, man, you took that strength and you said, I'm gonna disconnect it from the source, which is the god that gave that strength to me. I'm gonna rely on my own willpower.
Alex Judd:And because I relied on my own willpower, now relationships, the very thing he called and created me to invest in and passionately pursue, have now become a burden. Never allow that to happen. But if that has happened, recognize grace is readily available. Praise God for that. And you can say, man, I'm overcommitted right now.
Alex Judd:I I have way overextended the ability of my willpower. I need to reconnect to the stores. I need to make sure I go do things that energize me. I need to right size. That's what humility is, is it's to have an accurate viewpoint of oneself, and I need to make sure that relationships can be something that's opportunity instead of obligation again.
Alex Judd:Here's what you're recognizing whenever you do that. You're a human being, and because you're a human being, you have limitations. And with regard to those limitations, if your output relationally ever stir starts to exceed your input relationally, your upkeep will be your downfall. And so you need to make sure you're staying connected to source. You're doing things that are life giving for you so that you can effectively pour into other people.
Alex Judd:So so those are our four actions. And the final thing I I wanna end with is just a word of encouragement for for people. If your gift in leadership is relationship, man, praise god for that because you can't have leadership without relationship. I would tell you double down on that strength, amplify that strength, and then make sure you're using that strength for two very particular purposes, the service of others that you get to amplify, invest in, pour into, develop, encourage, affirm other people. So we're gonna use it for the service of others and for the glory of God.
Alex Judd:Let's go.
Alex Judd:Well, there you have it. Thanks so much for joining us for this episode. If you want any of the information or resources that we mentioned, that's all in the show notes. Hey. Before you go, could I ask you for one quick favor?
Alex Judd:Could you subscribe, rate, and review this podcast episode? Your feedback is what helps our team engage in a sequence of never ending improvement. We wanna amplify what's valuable to you and, obviously, reduce or even remove the things that aren't. Also, you leaving a positive review is what helps us connect with, build trust with, and serve other leaders around the country. So thanks in advance helping us out on
Alex Judd:that front. Are you a leader
Alex Judd:that wants to grow your business in a healthy way, serve people exceptionally well, and glorify God in the process? Go to pathforgrowth.com to get more information about our community of impact driven leaders and schedule a call with our team. Hey, thank you so much to the Path for Growth team, Kyle Cummings and the crew at Podcircle, and the remarkable leaders that are actively engaged in the Path for Growth community. Y'all are the people that make this podcast possible. Y'all know this.
Alex Judd:We're rooting for you. We're praying for you. We wanna see you win. Remember, my strength is not for me. Your strength is not for you.
Alex Judd:Our strength is for service. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
