How to Create and Sustain Balance
I started to chase after the promotion and get the promotion. I started to chase after the money, and then I got the money. I started to chase after the things, and I got the things. I would say I was still pursuing the Lord, but I unknowingly, in certain seasons, made those things the point or made those things an idol. And then I got those things, and I was like, oh, these things, like, there's nothing here.
Ben Loy:What led you to pursue balance in your own life?
Kyle Guemmer:Yeah. I I think as I have navigated through different seasons of my life, getting married and growing a family and navigating growing in my career, The more and more responsibility you have, the harder and harder it is to navigate what is important now and how do how do I do all of this well. And I've had seasons where I've been overleveraged in certain areas. And so kind of struggling with that, but then also looking at leaders that I did really trust and respect and seeing they weren't less busy than me, but they've they've kind of figured out how to navigate through different seasons of life effectively and keep the main things the main things. Did
Ben Loy:you always, like, value balance, or was there a time where maybe you had, like, a misunderstanding of what it was or you didn't you didn't value it at all?
Kyle Guemmer:I think there were a lot of different ways that I misunderstood what what balance was and and actually, like, can... Is that even possible in this season, or is it even what I want? I I don't even know as I was growing in my career in certain aspects or in in certain seasons if I if I would have even articulated that is what I want. It probably came through, honestly, feeling out of balance and and maybe not even using that verbiage, but feeling off center or off kilter or out of alignment where it was like, I don't think it has to be this way. So what what is the way?
Kyle Guemmer:When
Ben Loy:you were in that season and you were looking at other leaders who seemed like they had this more figured out or they were more balanced, what were the things that were, like, evidence of their balance that you were you were drawn to or you noticed?
Kyle Guemmer:Yeah. It felt like I could always do one thing really, really well, but not multiple things really, really well. And so as I looked at leaders that I trusted, I could see these guys are as ambitious as me in their career, more successful than me, but they also feel like they have boundaries in their personal life where they have healthy marriages. They've got, strong relationships with their with their kids. They've got, they've got a presence and a and a service mindedness within their community.
Kyle Guemmer:And it's like, man, if you were to tell me I could do just one of those things, I could probably figure that out. But, man, they're doing all of those things, and how do they do that?
Ben Loy:And I I guess at a certain point... Because you gave you gave a talk on balance in Austin at our experience, and you had come up with this sort of working definition of what balance is. And those... It sounds like those are all the evidences of of what balance looks like when a leader is balanced. But what would you say is, like, the definition of balance?
Ben Loy:And what would you say are maybe some misconceptions about what the definition of balance is?
Kyle Guemmer:Yeah. So to kinda backtrack a little bit even from the definition is this has been a long journey for me. I've been a believer for twenty years. I've been married for almost sixteen years, and I've got three kids under the age of 10. And, like, I've had some really, really healthy seasons, and I've had some not so healthy seasons.
Kyle Guemmer:And and so I have already probably intuitively been on this journey. I I don't know if I would have called it balance, but on this on this journey of, like, man, how do I manage all of those things in a really healthy way? And I wanted to do this talk because there's a lot of information out there around balance. There's a lot of hot takes around what balance is or even the rejection of balance, and I would hear some of those opinions from people that I actually, like, trusted or respected their voice, and it actually was confusing because there was a lot of confliction in it. And so I really just wanted to try to solve this not only for myself, but also for my customers of, like, what does this mean?
Kyle Guemmer:And so then what came out of that were a couple pretty impactful things for me. First, just being the definition of, the working definition that I use for Balance Now is intentionally managing the tension between change and stability for health over time. So there's so many aspects to that to that definition, but intentionally managing the tension between change and stability for health over time.
Ben Loy:Let's... Can we break down that definition a little bit more? So, yeah. I mean, I guess, just start with the beginning, like, intentionally managing the tension. Like, why does that tension exist?
Ben Loy:Is it is it good? Is it neutral? Where does that come from?
Kyle Guemmer:The middle of that definition, really, the tension is change and stability. It's like if you've lived, any part of your life, you know there are different seasons. There's different stages. There's constant change in your life. And so it's like, you know, as someone who really prioritizes discipline and consistency, it's really hard to deal with change, but it's a reality of life.
Kyle Guemmer:And so there's intentionally, which is, man, what what is my intent? If I am looking forward, I am looking at my life right now, what is my intent? So do I have intent? And that intent is around managing a tension between change and stability. So there's change in life always.
Kyle Guemmer:Every season, every stage, there's always things that are happening, and there's some things that shouldn't change. And there is a stability and a bedrock and a foundation to our lives that shouldn't be dependent on circumstances. And so how do I manage that tension? And and I think that is what balance is. Balance is not equal distribution.
Kyle Guemmer:It's not like I spend the exact amount of time with my family as I do my community, as I do my work. Like, that is unrealistic, and I don't even think that's actually right.
Ben Loy:Mhmm.
Kyle Guemmer:But it's understanding there is change. There is things that shouldn't change that aren't dependent on circumstances, and how do I intentionally manage that in the season I'm in or as I look ahead? And I think that's what actually creates that health over time.
Ben Loy:Yeah. You mentioned, stability being rooted. I think that's a a really good step into sort of the three things that you've identified exist within a balanced leader, and the first one being identity. So can you go a little bit deeper into that?
Kyle Guemmer:Yeah. So this was this was the most impactful part of, like, preparing for this talk was when I was talking to Alex about this a couple years ago, was like, man, I I don't think I don't think balance is is is a is a time conversation. I think it is... I I think it's a identity and presence conversation. And I said that, and I didn't really even know what that meant.
Kyle Guemmer:And and then I started to prepare for this talk and have a lot of conversations. I really try to be a student and observe people, and there were three things that, like, stuck out to me that every balanced person has. So we have the working definition, but but what are the things that I'm observing in balanced leaders that are really intuitive and stick out of like, oh, that is a balanced person and their identity, presence, and intent. And when we talk about managing that tension between change and stability, Some of the things that shouldn't change are identity things. Mhmm.
Kyle Guemmer:And one of the the conversations that that we have a lot in the Path for Growth community is, like, your your work is not who you are. It's where you serve. And I think I could take that for your parenting and your marriage and your relationships because all of those things have different seasons and stages. Your your identity has to be rooted in something that doesn't shift and change. And and that's really what I observed in those people is I saw those people go through hard seasons.
Kyle Guemmer:I saw those people go through really fruitful seasons, seasons with a lot, seasons with a little, and who they were never changed regardless of the circumstances. Mhmm. And so I knew that was the first,
Ben Loy:what I call, component of a balanced leader. How how do you structure an identity that doesn't shift or is or is more resilient or sound, regardless of the circumstances that you're in?
Kyle Guemmer:That, in my mind, is a very theological and spiritual question of, like, if if I have to manage the tension between change and stability, there's a reality to things change and are constantly evolving in life, then I better attach my identity to something that doesn't shift or change.
Ben Loy:Mhmm.
Kyle Guemmer:And the only thing, in and out of this world that doesn't change is the Lord, And the only thing that I have full assurance in in my life is my salvation in Jesus because that doesn't have to do with me, and that's already sealed and done and permanent. And it's like, man, when my identity is in that, all this other stuff is is change and good and bad and hard and beautiful, but it is all a journey of experiencing that identity more and more. How has
Ben Loy:your understanding of that piece grown through your experiences or even just through diving into this this whole topic?
Kyle Guemmer:Yeah. That's a a a really good question. I, you know, I've been a I've been a Christian for twenty years, and I think when you... For me, in my experience, when I I I got saved right before college, and I was just so excited and enthusiastic about, like, what the Lord had done in my heart. And you start to then start to live life, and you start to realize, oh, man, I have, like, stewardship responsibilities in other in other areas.
Kyle Guemmer:I start to get... You know, I got married, and then I needed to make money, and then I wanted to have a family. And there were all of these things that I would say at that time, like, became distractions or became idols and trying to navigate that. But then not only that, I started to be really good at some of those things. And I started to to chase after the promotion and get the promotion.
Kyle Guemmer:I started to chase after the money, and then I got the money. I started to chase after the things, and I got the things. And I would say I was still pursuing the Lord, but I I unknowingly, in certain seasons, made those things the point or made those things an idol. And then I got those things, and I was like, oh, these things... Like, there's nothing here.
Kyle Guemmer:Mhmm. There... There's no solid foundation here. And then you start to go you start to go through then hard seasons too where you start to get jarred by certain seasons of your life or circumstances in your life, and it's like the job and the money and the stuff and the whatever, like, those are nothing to hold on to in those moments. And so I've I've gotta find or really rest, I would say rest and sub...
Kyle Guemmer:And submit and take hold of the actual identity that I have in in Christ because that doesn't shift or change. And all of this stuff is still hard. It's still beautiful. It's still... I wanna have intention around it, but it's not the thing that defines me.
Kyle Guemmer:This is what defines me. And out of the overflow of this is actually then influences how I partake and show up in all of those different areas.
Ben Loy:Mhmm. As a coach, how have you seen that play out with with business owners and and your clients?
Kyle Guemmer:Yeah. I I talked to Matt a lot about coaching as this is sacred ground. And and what I mean by that is being a a a leader and a business owner, you have to portray a level of, like, confidence and assuredness to your team, and there's so much more going on behind the scenes. And we, thankfully, get to peek into those things, and we get to really understand all the hard, all the struggles, all the mess, and all the good. And,
Ben Loy:man,
Kyle Guemmer:if we if we were doing that and we were chasing after just circumstances or just goals or just things that we were trying to accomplish, then that thing becomes the point. And, man, it's my job and responsibility as a coach. Like, I'm on their p and l on the overhead. Like, I have to deliver a value, so we have to get things done. But they are, secondary to, like, who are you and what are you route...
Kyle Guemmer:Rooting yourself into? And I actually have seen in my experience, the more solidly people are rooted into the Lord or into their faith, the more effective they are at all of the other things. Mhmm. And so I want growth. Growth is is good in so many ways.
Kyle Guemmer:I want progress. I want to accomplish things out of the overflow of, like, who are you? And and we just get to... We get to just peer into those things. We get to understand leaders' insecurities and struggles and overwhelm.
Kyle Guemmer:And, man, it's like taking those things and rooting those things to the Lord, and then out of that, it's like, okay. Now it's time to get to work.
Ben Loy:How does presence play in this? Like, how do you become a presence leader?
Kyle Guemmer:Yeah. Yeah. So as I as I was observing the people that I perceived as balanced, I I saw all of them with this this amazing ability and capacity to be present where they are, but also still very much high achievers. And I started to to look at, like, man, what... How do we impact people?
Kyle Guemmer:Like, that's that's the point of what we do. We help impact driven leaders have an impact. Mhmm. And you do that by your time, your energy, your gifts, your talents, and all of those things are, like, here in our body now. Mhmm.
Kyle Guemmer:And so if you wanna be effective at impacting and influencing those around you, you have to be present. And so as I observed that and and as I've seen it in my own life, when I'm not present, it's when I'm I'm thinking about the future and and having anxiety and trying to control things I can't control, or I go backwards and I'm experiencing shame that then stalls me out and slows me down. But, man, when when my identity is rooted in something that doesn't shift or change, that then frees me up to say, okay. What is in front of me right now? And I wanna use, all of those resources, my time, my energy, my attention to serve who is in front of me right now and try and and kind of, like, trust the Lord with the rest.
Kyle Guemmer:Mhmm. And it doesn't mean you don't have goals. That's why we get to the third one of then intention. It's like the... It's all of those components.
Kyle Guemmer:I don't think you can truly be present without without a rooted identity because you're gonna try to control everything, control people's perceptions of you, control what you're accomplishing. When that's rooted, you can then be present. And then within that presence, I think you have an awareness for where am I at and what do the people need or what are the the needs around me or what are the things I need to accomplish. And then that third component comes in of, like, balance leaders get things done. And and it's like they have a level of intent through which they look at the things going on in their life, and they very, very intentionally pursue those things.
Ben Loy:What would you say to a business owner or leader who's like, I I wanna be more present with my family or with with the people that I work with when I'm with them, but they don't really know where to start.
Kyle Guemmer:Yeah. That's where we can probably get into the actual, like, diagnostic that I created for this talk. My my heart in this talk was not to just talk about balance. I don't I don't think we need more information or more thoughts around balance. It's like, how do I become balanced?
Kyle Guemmer:And so we have to define what balance is. We have to talk about the components, but all of those things are in service for, yeah, the business owner that's like, okay, cool. I get this. I I may even actually want that. How on earth do I do that?
Kyle Guemmer:And so really the the the part of the talk that I was excited about, and I even told Alex, that was the aim through which I wanted to do that talk even a year before we did the talk was like, I want to create something tangible for people that helps them navigate through that. Have clarity on what that is. I want them to be convinced that that is valuable, that pursuing Balance is valuable. I want them to want to pursue identity, presence, and intent, and then I want to to give them the resource that helps them navigate through that.
Ben Loy:Mhmm. I remember sitting in that room when you were giving the talk and walking through the diagnostic and just, like, watching the light bulbs just go off in in people's heads, and you could just see there was, like... It wasn't... Because because... And I guess we can get more into the evaluation in a moment, but, like, you're red, yellow, greening yourself in all these all these categories and way...
Ben Loy:In ways, and I feel like for many business owners and leaders, that can be anxiety inducing, and it it just wasn't. Yeah. Just with the way that you you framed it all and, like, the intent, and I know we've already talked about identity and things like that, but you did you did a great job of of grounding that group in truth before introducing the evaluation. So let's, I guess, move on to just the third one here before we get into the evaluation, intent. What what does it really mean to be, like, an intentional leader?
Kyle Guemmer:Quite simply is just, like, I start with the end in mind. I know what I want to accomplish, and then I make a plan to go do it, and then I go do it. Mhmm. And and so then, of course, you could ask questions of like, well, what do I want to accomplish? And in what areas do I want to accomplish them?
Kyle Guemmer:And what is the plan to get there? And and those are all really, really good questions that I think, I think the tool helps with. But just in general, like, what does it mean to be an intentional person? It's to have intent. And so it's like, I'm...
Kyle Guemmer:Whatever I am looking at or focused on, I know what I want. I create a plan to get there, and then I and then I do it. Mhmm.
Ben Loy:How does that fit into... Because that, in it's... On its own could be really unbalanced and really unhealthy. Like, intent on its own has the ability to just run. So how does that fit into the context of what we've already talked about?
Kyle Guemmer:Yeah. When I first, like, had this about identity, presence, and intent, I'm like, man, are those part of the definition? Like, what is all of this? And components is really, I think, the right way to think about it. It's like one gear on its own is not really effective.
Kyle Guemmer:But when you start to piece things together, now those things create actually movement. And so any of these things in isolation isn't gonna be super helpful or or isn't going to be accomplishing what we want, and all of them kind of need one another to fully actually accomplish them. Like, I don't think you could be present without being intentional. Like, what are we doing in... With our presence?
Kyle Guemmer:And in the same way, I'm not actually sure and convinced that you could be truly present without having a rooted identity. And so it's like, man, I think we... I think of any of these things, we take intent, and we can really try to isolate that on its own. But really, all of these things, I think, are very harmonious in actually being balanced.
Ben Loy:Share this in two contexts. One, within coaching. Like, how does intent and the accountability piece of coaching... Like, how do those things merge? And then also, like, outside of the context of coaching, what is...
Ben Loy:What does intent really look like?
Kyle Guemmer:Yeah. So in... Inside of coaching, I mean, that... The intent one is the one... I mean, that...
Kyle Guemmer:We focus on that one a lot. And and what is your intent for yourself as a leader? What is... And and how is that going? What is your intent for yourself as your in your role?
Kyle Guemmer:And we could call that, like, what does success look like in your role and how is that going? And what is your intent for this season of the business and how is that going? And that's strategic priorities. And so what coaching is is all about intent of, like, what does success look like? What are we aiming for?
Kyle Guemmer:Let's create the plan, and then it's my responsibility. And and part of what I do in that relationship is then, like, ask how is that plan going? And are we doing the things that we've committed to? Now how does identity and presence come into that is, like, if you wanna put your business in order, start by putting yourself in order. And there is a huge component of that in coaching where it's like, how are we growing as leaders, which then is gonna influence the growth of the business?
Kyle Guemmer:And oftentimes, there's not a direct correlation between the two. There's many times that I'm focused with leaders on things in their own personal health journey or in their in their family or in their own identity. And it's like, man, if we're focused on those, if we have intent around those, if we're seeing how that's going, that is going to also influence over here. And to the question of, like, how do we have intent in in our lives? I I think I used some examples there.
Kyle Guemmer:Like, it really... It could be as simple as, like, what is my morning routine? Mhmm. What what is the intent that I have in my marriage, and then how do I execute that in... Like, I'm gonna consistently date my life...
Kyle Guemmer:My wife, that's intent, to then my my role in the strategic priorities and then the goals that I have. Like, all... Like, I'm... Intense is very is very, very important and it is in in in really every aspect of your life. And and that's why, like, man, if my identity is rooted, if I'm present where I'm at and I'm aware of what's going on, that really creates, I think, the ground to then have right intent.
Kyle Guemmer:I think there can be a lot of wrong intents, and I don't think we should even probably go there. But then it's like that creates the, I think, the fertile soil to then say, alright. What do I need to be intentional about in this season of my life?
Ben Loy:So, I guess, as we move into intents and the tool that you actually created for auditing your balance and and creating an intention and action around moving towards a more balanced life, can you just walk us through the tool that you created? Maybe... I know we've done... We've already done some of the the methodology... Or I guess the philosophy behind it, but maybe some of the methodology.
Ben Loy:Yeah. And just give us a little bit of insight. This tool's gonna be available in the show notes for people to use and to walk through. So I think it would just be really helpful to hear from you. Like, how how does someone use this tool?
Kyle Guemmer:Yeah. It really combines all that we've talked about to this point. So it's intentionally managing the tension between change and stability for health over time and then the components of a balanced leader, identity, presence, and intent. And so, really, there's there's a process for this diagnostic that is... It's really a diagnostic and a framework.
Kyle Guemmer:And and really at a high level, the framework is how to become a balanced leader, and there's four a's. There's anchor your identity, which we'll talk for a second about, audit the basics, acknowledge the season, and act with intention. So it's it's all a's. And what I have found, the first two parts, anchor your identity and audit the basics, are a diagnostic. And and what I have seen with myself and and with leaders that I serve, there's there's not an information problem.
Kyle Guemmer:There's there's an implementation problem. And so I I wanted to make it really simple and easy for people. Like, we we deal with impact driven leaders, and and whether those leaders are Christian or are Orthodox Jewish, like, people prioritize their their faith. I don't necessarily think you need to be Orthodox Jewish or Christian to be able to anchor your identity. I think the challenge there would be you're anchoring your identity to something, and this is the opportunity for you to acknowledge that and then and then audit that and say, is that what I wanna be anchoring my identity to?
Kyle Guemmer:Because, what does an anchor do? An anchor is something that keeps you in place when the waves and the tides and the storms hit, and it's like, we're all doing that. I don't know what is anchoring you, but you better be really clear about it and make sure it's... I'm trying to think of something that's an anchor shape. If you throw a pretzel out there on a string, it ain't gonna be a good anchor.
Kyle Guemmer:And so what is anchoring you? And so the first part is anchor your identity. And, really, it is a it is a a number of success statements. I think there's, like, eight to 10 success statements that are that are really just have to do in so many ways with our our relationship with the Lord. Am I spending time with the Lord?
Kyle Guemmer:But, also, am I trying to control things that I can't control? And it's like, if if I am red in that, my identity is likely in things that are outside of my control that I'm putting a lot of effort and energy to try to control, which is actually just really ineffective. Exhausting. And and I am a chief center of that, but... And why I created this, but it's like, man, it's looking at those success statements just saying, how am I doing in rooting my identity?
Kyle Guemmer:Most of the people I talk to when they read those things, they're like, I want these things. This is really helpful to, like, see how am I doing with these things because it makes it very obvious what is the next step or what is the thing that I need to focus on. And then it's the same when you go to audit the basics. So you're anchoring your identity, which is eight to 10 success statements, and then it's audit the basics. And you could look at wheel of life.
Kyle Guemmer:Like, if you're in... If you're listening to this podcast, you you are probably very familiar with what audit the basics would be. It would be wheel of life, or it would be what is my... Like, what does success look like with fitness? What does success look like with faith, with family, with food, with all of these, all...
Kyle Guemmer:With finances, all of these types of things. These are the basics, and you could have a lot of intent around those things or not. It's it's really not a question of that. It's it's a question of if you're not focused on your sleep, if you're not focused on some sort of movement, if you're not focused on your commitments and executing those commitments, if you're not focused on having margin, if you're not focused on health goals, those are going to affect your capacity and your ability to be balanced. And and so I am not prescribing in auditing the basics.
Kyle Guemmer:You need to train for a marathon or you need to eat, keto or you need to... It's just do I have intent around those things? Or how am I doing in those things? Do I feel rested? Do I have margin?
Kyle Guemmer:Am I am I executing my commitments on time with excellence and a cheerful heart? It's like, how am I doing in regards to those things? And so it's just really auditing the basics of what it means to really, like, I would say, steward a lot of the aspects of our body as a human and as a leader. And then you get into acknowledge the season. And so now the first two, audit the basis...
Kyle Guemmer:Basics and acknowledge the season, are really like a diagnostic to give us a really clear picture of here. The next part is acknowledging the season and just saying, like, what is going on in life right now? Mhmm. What are the things that, that are in my face that are stressful? What are the things that are in my face that are reality?
Kyle Guemmer:What are the things that are really important in this season? What am I learning in this season? What do I want to be true at the end of this season? And that season... A season could be a month.
Kyle Guemmer:A season could be three years. So, like... And I don't know. It gives a lot of room for us to just acknowledge, like, where am I at in in this season of young kids, or where am I at in the season of running and growing this business? And and just acknowledging, like, where am I at?
Kyle Guemmer:And so these first three, anchor your identity, audit the basics, and acknowledge the season, are really just giving you a really clear picture of where am I at right now. Where am I at in relation to my identity? Where am I at in relation to all of these little components of my life that are important? And what is the season that I'm in right now? And then all of that information then feeds into, now what am I gonna do?
Kyle Guemmer:And then it's act with intention. And really, two of the questions that are in this part are like, what did this diagnostic to this point teach you, and who are you gonna tell to hold you accountable to it? Because, really, again, like, I I have seen it it can be overwhelming to look at a lot of red or to look at all the things that are going on in the season and say what to do. But I have seen people often know what they need to do, and they're just scared to do it. And I I think this then creates a really clear picture of where am I at and what am I afraid of.
Kyle Guemmer:And then we even have a question and an act with intention of, like, what is the thing that I'm likely to refuse to do in this season that I need to do? Mhmm. And I often find some questions like that can just draw out, like, actually, at the end of the day, there's only two or three things that I really, really need to be focused on in this season. And if I do those things really well, there... It's a...
Kyle Guemmer:There's a really good chance I'm gonna be managing the tension in this season between change and stability to be healthy in this season, which is balance.
Ben Loy:And just in closing, is there anything else you'd wanna say to to someone who is working through this, maybe wants to work through the tool that we'll have in the show notes, or, yeah, is just struggling with the reality of of managing that tension?
Kyle Guemmer:I would probably reiterate some of the highest level things that we just talked about in the components of a balanced leader is is one, I would just ask you what are what are you rooting your identity to, and and how do we feel about that? Two, in regards to presence, like, what are what are the... Who are the people and what are the things in front of you that only you're responsible for that... Or that you have a level of stewardship towards, and what does it look like to to really be faithful with the things that God has given you that are right in front of you? And I think there are so many things that we try to control.
Kyle Guemmer:There's so many things that we could do. This is not an exercise for a bunch of coulds. It's an it's an exercise for where am I at, where do I wanna be, and in in light of that, what am I gonna do? And if that's only one or two things, like, I can guarantee you if you do those one or two things faithfully and consistently for the next quarter, you're gonna be looking up a quarter from now, and maybe the circumstances in your life are not gonna be a whole lot different, but I think your heart's gonna be a lot different.
Ben Loy:Mhmm. Yeah. Thanks, Kyle. Thank you.
Alex Judd:Well, there you have it. Thanks so much for joining us for this episode. If you want any of the information or resources that we mentioned, that's all in the show notes. Hey. Before you go, could I ask you for one quick favor?
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Alex Judd:Are you a leader that wants to grow your business in a healthy way, serve people exceptionally well, and glorify God in the process? Go to pathforgrowth.com to get more information about our community of impact driven leaders and schedule a call with our team. Hey. Thank you so much to the Path for Growth team, Kyle Cummings and the crew at Pod circle, and the remarkable leaders that are actively engaged in the Path for Growth community. Y'all are the people that make this podcast possible.
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Alex Judd:Your strength is not for you. Our strength is for service. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
