A Leader’s Guide to Moving Past Guilt
So these are three conversations I have actually had. Conversation one is with a founder early, first couple years of business, and growing the business. The business is moving forward, chugging along. It's profitable. Praise God.
Alex Judd:And I'm sitting on a call with him, and it's like, man, there's all these good things that are going on that are literally things he had prayed for years before. And, he is telling me, man, I I just feel like I should be further along. I I just feel like we're not doing enough. I just feel like by this time, I thought I would have made it further than where we're at right now. I just feel like we should be further along.
Alex Judd:Second conversation. This person's been in business for a much longer time. And if we were to use our four stages of business framework, he's not in the founder stage. He's in the operator stage. And the kind of theme or tone of the conversation, it's different, but but it's similar in nature because what he's struggling with is this fact that one of the things that we've been working on with coaching is him working on the business, not in the business.
Alex Judd:But the more time he spends focusing on the strategy, on the process, on the structure of the business, things that are causing him to have to think bigger and broader about the vision of where he's going, he he says, man, I just feel like I should be out there, out there being in the field. Right? He's like, I just feel like I should be getting my hands dirty. I feel like I should be doing all the work that they are doing. I I don't feel like I'm doing the right thing whenever I'm in here focused on working on the business.
Alex Judd:I feel like I should be working in the business. And that brings us to the third conversation. Again, another person further along, different stage of business, but also an entrepreneur. This woman, is at the CEO stage. Right?
Alex Judd:And she's really done something quite incredible in that she's built a business that does not depend on her being around all the time, but she's talking to me about the fact that, man, I go on vacation, and I feel like I should be working. Right? I I know I worked to get to have this freedom, and I know I started the business for the sake of freedom, but whenever I'm on vacation, I feel like I can't be on vacation because I feel like I should be working. And, man, I'm a knucklehead, so it took me time to figure this out. But I realized, man, there's a common denominator in all of those conversations that is a common denominator in so many conversations our coaching team has with entrepreneurs every single day, and it's this phrase, I should be.
Alex Judd:Right? I should be further along. I should be out there. I should be working whenever I'm not working. And, man, if we were to sum up kind of an overarching thought process or phrase for entrepreneurial guilt, that's it.
Alex Judd:I should be.
Ben Loy:It's so funny. I mean, we were having a conversation be before this. Like, those statements, those three statements can and do exist in the same person just depending on the season of business that they're in. Like, where what do you think is, like, the deeper thing that's going on there that that pulls people towards saying I should.
Alex Judd:Yeah. And we'll get we'll get deeper into this in the episode too. But I think a lot of time, it's, I mean, it's it's all theological. Right? It's all I mean, everything is spiritual all the time.
Alex Judd:Let's be very clear about that. And there's something in our theology that is oftentimes off whenever we're susceptible to this chronic I should. Right? Whenever our life not that's not to say that there's there's not things that we should be or that we should be doing or things like that, and we'll get into some of the the distinction between the two because that can be very real, but it's oftentimes not real. And and the times that it's not real, it can oftentimes be deeper than a tactical issue.
Alex Judd:It's often a theological worldview issue. But here's what I noticed for me. I can only write these three things. I should be further along. I should be out there.
Alex Judd:Right? I should be working right now because I've experienced all three of them, sometimes all at once, oftentimes in different phases and stages of business. It's not my confessional theology that's the issue. And what I mean by that is, like, it's not like I'm I'm not saying the right things. It's that I don't know.
Alex Judd:Like, I don't know, no, no in my bones what's actually true and right. The things that I say are true and right, and maybe even might be true and right for other people, other entrepreneurs. I can't internalize the fact that those truths that God has established about the world he created apply to me. And because my confessional theology and my functional theology are at odds with each other, I experience incredible dissonance and ultimately guilt, which is what we're talking about here.
Ben Loy:Yeah. Is all guilt bad?
Alex Judd:Good question. I I I would say
Ben Loy:Sounds like a deep, like, mean, I
Alex Judd:I don't think it sounds
Ben Loy:like a
Alex Judd:deep question, Ben. I I think that it is a deep question. Yeah.
Ben Loy:But in this context, right, like, is is all guilt bad?
Alex Judd:I'd be interested to know your thoughts on is all guilt bad. I'm not sure. What I will tell you is this, is not all guilt is wrong. And so we could have a discussion about the difference between bad and wrong if we wanted to, but, there I mean, we live in a culture right now that, I mean, might even say guilt is not of God. And I I would say, I I don't actually know about that because some of the the greatest moments of spiritual transformation in my life have come from, man, me coming face to face with my sin, the areas where I'm not as I should be recognizing that, receiving grace for that, and repenting out of that to become more of who I was actually created to be.
Alex Judd:And if we subscribe to this, worldview that says you're all good exactly as you are, then we completely eradicate our need for grace, which doesn't align with what I or probably what a lot of people listening to this actually believe. Like, I need grace. If you believe that, then what you're saying is there are things in me that are imperfect, inadequate, fallible, fallen, broken, and wrong. And it's actually I guess it is good that I feel guilt for those things to the degree that that guilt points me towards what is right and what is good and what is beautiful and what is true because that's what I was actually created for.
Ben Loy:So in the context of this conversation in in entrepreneurial guilt, like, when when is guilt maybe wrong, or when should we be, you know, I guess, double clicking or looking closer at, some of the feelings that we're having?
Alex Judd:I mean, maybe as an overarching thing for this whole episode is is not all guilt is wrong. All guilt should be interrogated, like thoroughly, deeply, intensely interrogated. I want you to go back to, like, those old school, like, law and order SVU. Right? Where you're sitting down in the chair and you're not the good cop, you are the bad cop.
Alex Judd:And you are saying, why on earth were you here? What is going on here? And and whenever, whenever we're interrogating guilt to figure out if it's wrong or not, what we're really trying to figure out is, is there truth in this guilt that I'm experiencing? And and if you we wanna talk about the pragmatic question that you're actually asking here as a leader is, is there something I need to apologize for? Right?
Alex Judd:Is there something that I did wrong that was sin? That's anything that's not as it should be that I need to apologize for. And maybe it's not apologize to other people, but just apologize to God because everything we're doing is before and hopefully for God, and anything that's a deviation from that is sin. Right? And so the guilt that I often see entrepreneurs experiencing is this nagging chronic stress that's incredibly ambiguous and incredibly gray and unable to put your finger on it or to name it.
Alex Judd:Right? And a lot of times, that's the guilt that, man, I, you know, I believe the father of lies is telling you a lie to limit you and to keep you subdued because you're feeling guilty for something that you're doing or for moving forward or something like that. However, the thing that we can't do is say we shouldn't be guilty for things that we should be guilty for. And so, man, is there something I need to apologize for? Here's some things that I, as an entrepreneur, often need to apologize for that I wanna interrogate the guilt and say, is this related to that?
Alex Judd:Overcommitment. Meaning, I told people I could do something, and I can't deliver on that thing. Poor stewardship. Meaning, man, I feel guilty about, like, I'm not doing enough. And it's like, well, yeah, you I mean, you were on social media way too much today.
Alex Judd:Right? You were scrolling a lot today. It's like, that's actually guilt. It's not guilt to make you stay condemned. It's guilt to help you move forward and be like, how can I do that better tomorrow?
Alex Judd:What systems do I need to put in place to do better tomorrow? Guilt related to unclear expectations. Man, I I got mad at someone on my team because things didn't go the way I was hoping they would go, and I realized I never shared with them the way I hoped it should go. Right? And so that's something I need to apologize for.
Alex Judd:Imperfect leadership, pride, ineffective prioritization. Those are all things that entrepreneurs absolutely struggle with. And if you think you're above struggling with that, you're probably getting walloped right now. Right? And so maybe your guilt is related to some of those things.
Alex Judd:And if that's the case, then then it's not wrong to feel guilty. It's what do we now do with that very true guilt to actually move forward.
Ben Loy:Yeah. I feel like I'm hearing, like, a couple themes in the in the in the examples that you gave. Like, one is owning up to your mistakes that you've actually made Yeah. Stewardship and rest. Can you maybe start with the mistakes part?
Ben Loy:Like, what does it look like to combat guilt in the context of, like, mistakes maybe you've made that you you need to confess or or work through?
Alex Judd:Yeah. And so to be clear, we're talking about, like, guilt that isn't wrong, guilt that might be rooted in truth or something that's real.
Ben Loy:Correct.
Alex Judd:Yeah.
Ben Loy:Yep.
Alex Judd:Okay. So I think you've gotta be anchored in Romans eight one, right, which which if you understand the context of Romans eight one, Paul, through the first seven chapters of Romans, gives the most absurdly clear articulation of what the gospel means and all of the implications of that. And then he immediately follows up that up with the sentence, there is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. And so while you may feel guilty, the thing that you've gotta receive immediately is the fact that you are not condemned. And because you're not condemned, you can receive grace.
Alex Judd:It's not are you forgiven, it's have you received forgiveness, and you can move forward. Right? But the way that you do that is you say, man, I am imperfect. This was a very particular imperfection. This was sin.
Alex Judd:I'm gonna acknowledge that before God, but also before people that are impacted. And then on the backside of acknowledging that, repentance, teshuvah, is the Hebrew word, right, which means to turn around a 180 degrees. Right? It means I'm willing to do something different to get different results. And, man, I think a lot of times we are carrying around the baggage of past mistakes because we never actually apologized for them and started doing different things, and that will weigh you down like nobody's business.
Alex Judd:And so say I'm sorry, figure out what caused it, commit to doing something different, and strive not to do it in your own power, but in God's power.
Ben Loy:How do you know who to do that with?
Alex Judd:Who to apologize to?
Ben Loy:Or, yeah, confess or whatever it is.
Alex Judd:I mean, my answer to that is probably very similar. It's like, you know. Like, I I I don't know that I've ever struggled with. Like, I don't know who I should apologize to because you know who oftentimes who is negatively affected. It's more, am I moving too fast to to see, or am I being too prideful to say that I want to apologize to that person and move forward?
Alex Judd:Right? Man, there have been times yeah. So I guess slow down would be the answer. There have been times where I mean, I'm thinking of one particular time where I was praying one morning, and in prayer, I was just in this quiet time, and I had some space and time to do it. I was thinking like, man, this is gonna be this beautiful morning of worship and gratitude.
Alex Judd:And it's like, I just sit down in prayer. I take a deep breath, and I just realize I lied to someone yesterday. And it it wasn't like some massive, like, trajectory changing lie. It was actually a lie that was like, I just said I had done something and I hadn't actually done it. Right?
Alex Judd:And that's not to minimize it. That was wrong. Right? That was sin. And that's what I was now confronting in this moment in prayer.
Alex Judd:Right? So much for all the gratitude and worship that I was anticipating. Right? And and I just have this brought to my mind and the whole prayer time became wrestling with, I really don't wanna have to tell them that and, like, apologize for that. Right?
Alex Judd:Like, I I really would rather not have to do that right now. And I wrestled for a while being like, it was a small thing. I'm not even sure if he heard me. He's like, it didn't impact anything about him at all. And I just wrestled and wrestled and wrestled and finally said, dad, gummit god, like, okay.
Alex Judd:And I but I I went and saw that person that morning and then told him, like, man, I am so sorry because yesterday we were having this conversation, and I don't know if you remember or not, but I said I had done this, and I had not done that yet. And, and he was an incredibly grace filled individual. He said, I actually didn't remember that, but he said, man, I feel so much closer to you now. And we ended up being incredible friends from that moment and a level of intimacy that we could not have had before. But, like, that is a level of guilt that had I not, you know, actually listened to the spirit, taken time to pray in the morning, it was different than what I expected, and then actually acted on what I heard, then I would have carried that with me.
Alex Judd:And and I guarantee you there would have distance between me and that guy that ended up becoming a great friend probably for the the rest of our relationship. Right? Because I like, subconsciously or consciously, I would always know there's something there. That was like a small thing that could have become a big thing if I didn't allow God to do what God wants to do.
Ben Loy:What are what are, like, the dangers of that? Like, something that just seems so small, but but deciding, like, oh, I'm I'm gonna I'm just gonna sweep this under the rug and keep going.
Alex Judd:You know, I mean, the the illustration is actually pretty good. Sweep it under the rug. There's only so much stuff that can fit under the rug. And, also, your ability to say, oh, this can go under the rug excuses your ability to put some more under the rug and more under the rug. And and you're never comparing what you're excusing to the standard.
Alex Judd:You're just comparing it to what you excused previously is what I would say. So if the standard is what is right and wrong, then a lie, regardless regardless of how small and regardless of whether he heard it or not is wrong. Right? But if it's like, man, well, how does this compare to things that I've done in the past? Well, then you're like, okay.
Alex Judd:Well, we don't have to talk about it then. Right? And so the minute you abandon the standard of right and wrong and what's true and what's good, the minute you say that no longer applies to me, now you have the framework to excuse anything, and over time, you probably will.
Ben Loy:Okay. Let's move on to stewardship. And, really, now that I'm thinking about it, rest kinda fits into stewardship. So Yeah. I'd love to just hear your thoughts of, like so you use the example, like, yeah.
Ben Loy:Oh, I spent a I spent a ton of time on social media the other day scrolling, and I could have been doing other things. Like, what what is the difference between guilt over rest? And I'm not saying scrolling on social media is rest, but I am saying, like, what is the difference between guilt over rest that, like, you should actually be taking and, like, maybe you you aren't stewarding things well.
Alex Judd:Yeah. I don't know that I initially have, like, a framework for this in my head, but I I think what, to be clear, like, you know, you said I used the example of I was on social media for hours the other day. I was not on social media for hours the other I was But there have been times where I have been. Mhmm. Right?
Alex Judd:And I'll never forget there was a time in particular where I was in Colorado, and I was on vacation. And I I went for this run, and I I went for a run with no music and no audiobook and no podcast, which I I think for me is a discipline. It's really hard to do that for me because I love input. Right? And so praise God that that occurred on this run.
Alex Judd:And I was on this beautiful run, and I had been on vacation for a while. And it was on that run that it just got brought to mind that it's like, man, I have been on social media a lot on this trip, and I have been I'm off work, but I have been working a lot on this trip. And I'm here with, you know, my my wife and, like, we have a child coming. Right? Like and and, like, this is a unique season in life right now where we get to go on a vacation like this, and it's like and there's been parts of it where I have not been present because I've been, like, either working or on social media or just, like, this haphazard, like, level of detachment in some ways from what's actually going on.
Alex Judd:And then I kinda realized on this run, well, it shouldn't really surprise me that that's happening here in Colorado because that's also happening when I'm working as well, like, on my on time as well. And it was this incredible moment of conviction, and I I had some prayer time on that run. And then I just said, like, I'm gonna do things different after this. Like, I'm not gonna I'm gonna use the remainder of this time in Colorado and not be on my phone or social media at all. And I'm gonna use that as a means of resetting my standards so that when I go back, I'm gonna be more productive.
Alex Judd:I'm gonna be more present. I'm gonna be more engaged. I'm gonna be really deliberate with how that tool fits into my life. And, I mean, one particular outcome of that about that is, like, I have never had Instagram on my phone since that trip, like, as an app that I just keep on my phone. Right?
Alex Judd:And that was one direct outcome. That's you know, I view that as repentance. Guilt that was real that transferred not just to vacation, but also to work as a whole. And then out of that being like, man, I, I am called to better and more. And I'm I don't feel shame around that.
Alex Judd:I feel freedom around that because God has forgiven me, and I'm now going to move forward in freedom.
Ben Loy:How did that affect your perception of, like, rest and stewardship?
Alex Judd:When you feel a degree of confidence that you are doing your best at work and that you're being really productive, you sleep better. Like, if I remember that, man, outcomes are not my job. My responsibility is to faithfully steward and exercise self control over the things that God has given me to do today. And I get really clear on what has God given me to do today, and what does it look like to faithfully steward that? And I do that throughout the day.
Alex Judd:I sleep better that night without a shadow of a doubt because I because what I'm really saying then is like, man, I'm gonna let I'm gonna let God be God. I'm gonna be me. I'm gonna let other people be other people. And within that, like, I trust that God is sovereign and in control, and I'm gonna trust that that's enough. It's a lot of times whenever I spend a bunch of time doing things that I shouldn't be doing, and then I live with this resting guilt around, man, I just spent a lot of the day doing things that I shouldn't have been doing, and it kept me from attending to the things I should have been doing.
Alex Judd:Well, then those things pop up in the middle of in the middle of the night as things that I need to worry about because I'm not attending to them. And so, yeah, you rest better when you work well is what I would say.
Ben Loy:Yeah. When is guilt not justified?
Alex Judd:Yeah. When it's a lie. Right? And so, you know, you kinda gotta ask, is there something I need to apologize for? Is there something that's sin?
Alex Judd:Is there something that's off? Is there something that's not as it should be? A lot of times, the answer to that is, like, I actually can't name anything, and I don't think this is me being an arrogant deceiver of myself. I actually think that, like, man, I I don't think that this guilt is justified. This guilt is a lie, and there's great precedent for that.
Alex Judd:Right? Satan is referred to as the accuser. He came to steal, kill, and destroy. Right? Like, he is the father of lies.
Alex Judd:So it's like, you know, we shouldn't be surprised whenever one of the tools that he's using is this unlabeled, ambiguous, gray level of guilt that keeps us from experiencing life and life in abundance, which is what Christ came to give us. And so the questions we should ask here interrogating is, like, if we can't figure out if there's something we need to apologize for, then the way we need to interrogate it is, does this guilt align with truth? Right? Does the fact that you feel like you're constantly not doing enough, or does the fact that you feel like you should be out in the field whenever you're working on the business, right, does the fact that you shouldn't be on vacation, you should be working, does it align with what's actually truth? Because the right.
Alex Judd:Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free is what it says in John. Right? The truth always creates freedom, and so does it align with truth? And there's other ways we can kinda start to understand and interrogate if this is a lie, but that's a big thing is, like, guilt is not justified if it's rooted in a lie.
Ben Loy:K. Cue the next existential question. What what what is truth? Right? Like, I mean, what do you what do you use for your sounding board for that?
Alex Judd:Yeah. I I was reminded the other day that, like, what you just asked, what is truth, is what Pontius Pilate asked, which is crazy. So you and Pontius Pilate then I don't
Ben Loy:know if
Alex Judd:I like
Ben Loy:that comparison.
Alex Judd:Yeah. No. You should not you should not carry that guilt at all. You should not carry that guilt. Yeah.
Alex Judd:But it is I guess I mean that to say, like, that is a super existential question, and it's super interesting to think about, man, did he realize that whenever he asked that question? Yeah. I I was listening to something by John Piper the other day, and and, man, that guy has just been such a voice of encouragement to me in this season. And he was just talking about evaluating, you know, his process for writing sermons or for growing spiritually in this life. He's now 80 years old.
Alex Judd:And he's like, there's so many times where I get these questions from people, and and I'm being looked at as an authority to have to respond to these questions. And he's like, and and these are big, big questions that are, like, gonna have massive ramifications for people's life and people's future. And he said on those days where he has to wrestle with some of those questions, he'll come downstairs and he'll tell his wife, Noelle, I'm so glad we have a book. He says, I'm so glad we have a book because I because I'm not relying on Piper's answers to these questions. Like, we have a book that is truth, and that book doesn't move.
Alex Judd:That book doesn't change. And so, really, if if we wanna ask the question, what is truth? God's word is truth. Right? That is what truth is, and truth was embodied in the person of Jesus Christ.
Alex Judd:And so we should look to those two things, to then kinda compare what our feelings or our experience of the world if that's actually true or not.
Ben Loy:What would you say to someone who says, like, okay, I I know truth. Like, I know these facts. I know that the way that I'm feeling is is not in alignment with reality, but it, like, I still feel this way.
Alex Judd:Make sure that you're not allowing, your feelings to drive is what I would say. And and what I mean by that is sometimes we can say exactly what you just said is like, I know it's true, but I don't feel this way, and so I'm going to act the way that I feel. Your feelings are not an excuse for your actions. Right? They are real.
Alex Judd:Right? And your feelings are true, but they're not truth. And so you can acknowledge how you feel, but really, like, a great example of this is, like, we all know the value financially of compounding interest. Right? Do we feel the value of compounding interest whenever we start?
Alex Judd:No. Right? Does that mean you shouldn't invest in, you know, an index fund so that when you're 60, you reap the rewards of compounding interest over time because you don't feel the value of compounding interest here right now today? No. It doesn't mean that because you don't follow your feelings.
Alex Judd:You follow what you know is true, which is, man, there there is a version of me that's 60 that loves what compound interest can do for me, and so I'm gonna put $500 a month into this index fund today so that when I'm 60, I get to experience the fruit of that truth being lived out. Right? The same thing is true with regard to entrepreneurial guilt. We can say I feel guilty, you know, for not working enough. It's not actually true that I'm not working enough, but I'm just gonna keep working to see if I can get myself out of this hole where I don't feel this way anymore.
Alex Judd:That is not the strategy. What you have to start establishing is boundaries, guardrails, structures, rhythms in alignment with what is actually true about you, what is true about work, what is true about what you can and can't control, all of that. We gotta follow with our actions what we know is true before we feel it. Mhmm.
Ben Loy:I recently heard a pastor talking about, like, worship, and he was talking about just the the act of, like, raising your hands during worship. Mhmm. And one of the things that he mentioned was, like, sometimes people look at people who are doing that, and they're like, oh, they they must be having this, like, emotional experience or, you know, they're they're they're more sanctified than I am or things like that. And the connection he made with you is, like, actually, like, we're commanded to do that, like, in scripture, like, to take, like, a worshipful posture with our bodies. And when you do that, regardless of where you're at emotionally, like, you're you are leaning into the truth and the reality that, like, God has outlined, which is, like, expressing your bodily dependence on God regardless of how you feel in that moment.
Ben Loy:Mhmm. And it's like, oh, we're we should be doing that in obedience. And then the fruit of that is often that we feel God's presence, and we understand it in a deeper level. It it's kinda like we often put the cart before the horse when it comes to how we're feeling versus the actions we're taking towards what we know truth to be.
Alex Judd:I think that's exactly right. And that's like a physical embodiment of what what we're talking about that throughout the week. Right? It's not I mean, worship is not just reserved for that service, and what we're talking about here is how do you use your life as worship. Right?
Alex Judd:So so let's talk about what is true. Right? You can't be perfect. God controls outcomes. You are called to delight in God's good gifts.
Alex Judd:You have limitations. Work is part of life. It's not life in totality. God loves you. Leadership is service.
Alex Judd:You are responsible to other people. You cannot be responsible for other people. Freedom and responsibility is a biblical pairing. Responsibility and therefore freedom are available to everyone. Those are all things that are true.
Alex Judd:Right? And those are the things that we are called to live in alignment with. And if you're feeling guilty and you're not countering that guilt with those truths, you are basically saying my feeling reigns supreme over truth. And so we what we wanna do is we wanna be this way. You gotta pray, pray, pray, pray.
Alex Judd:Right? You gotta bring your feelings to God, and you gotta say, God, I I this is actually where it can be sin is if you say, man, I am allowing these feelings to drive my life. Mhmm. Right? That is confession.
Alex Judd:I am allowing these feelings to guide my life. And but by your mercy, there is no way out of that. And so I need your mercy and your grace to transform my heart to receive your truth before I feel it. And, really, what you're praying for there is saying, man, I'm wrong, and I need you to get me right because I cannot in myself get me right, which is a dependent prayer. It's a poor in spirit prayer.
Alex Judd:It's a prayer that, you know, tries to lean on God instead of lead for God, which we so often try to do. And so what we're really talking about here, though, is really reorienting your life not around your feelings of guilt, but around what's actually true. Mhmm.
Ben Loy:I'd love to, like, look a little bit closer at one of those statements that you said because I think it goes into our last point. My work or my business is a part of life, not life in totality. Can you explain that a little bit more?
Alex Judd:Yeah. I mean, we use the phrase all the time, your work is not who you are. Your work is where you serve. Right? And there's no one that actually hears that and says, like, man, I I that is revolutionary to what I believe, but I think there's a lot of people that hear that and would say that is revolutionary to the way that I live.
Alex Judd:Right? And that has certainly been me before. Right? And it's something that I have to regularly return to that truth regularly, regularly, regularly is, man, my work is not who I am, and this could all go away tomorrow. Right?
Alex Judd:And it would not change a single iota about who I am Because this work, what we do in terms of coaching, in terms of podcast, in terms of in person experiences, all of it, it's not at all related to my identity. It's just where I serve, and it's it's the place that God has given me as the business owner to serve for this season of my life, and and praise God for that. But it's a good gift that I was given to do good work. It's not who I am, and because it's not who I am, it can go away. And and if I feel any tension with the reality that God could choose for it to go away, and if that occurs, it's because it's what is best.
Alex Judd:If I feel any tension around that, then, man, I'm gonna experience tension in every day of my work. Right? And I'm gonna feel guilt because I'm gonna feel this this desire to make work who I am and therefore to work for value worth, which is an endless treadmill that you never actually you never actually find satisfaction, fulfillment, or fulfillment or intimacy with God in.
Ben Loy:I think what's so interesting for for business owners specifically in this topic is, like, so many business owners start a business around the thing that they're either good at or the thing that they're passionate about. Mhmm. And then it grows beyond just them, and I feel like that dynamic can often contribute to, like, this sort of identity crisis.
Alex Judd:Yes. It's kinda wild. It actually it starts to inhibit your leadership. A lot of times if you struggle with this, like, man, my work is my identity. It's part of who I am.
Alex Judd:As a founder, unfortunately, you're gonna you're probably gonna crush. Right? Because, like, you go I mean, your business is just gonna go zoom zoom because you're motivated by the fact that you have to go achieve your identity, and you're gonna see things go up into the right because you're so highly motivated. Right? But the minute you start to have to see other people be successful for the business to grow, or the minute you have to start to release control and actually take risks, or the minute you have to allow people to make decisions instead of you just controlling everything.
Alex Judd:The minute you have to do any of those things that are part and partial of growing a business, you're not gonna be able to do it because you're literally releasing control not over the business. You're releasing control over your identity, and you're delegating you're delegating your identity to someone else, and you you will not do that. Right? You will not do that. So you'll either be miserable, or you'll be ineffective.
Alex Judd:One of the two. And that's why I think owning a business is is one of God's great tools of sanctification because it reveals that in and about you over time, and you have the opportunity to settle or you have the opportunity to grow. And if you're gonna grow, you're gonna learn that you need grace. You're gonna learn that the way you did things might have actually been fallible and imperfect previously even though it got you good results, and you're gonna have to move forward in a new way.
Ben Loy:As someone who's who's grown and scaled a business beyond yourself and obviously coached other business owners to do that, is this something that someone's like, oh, man. I I I faced this problem. I overcame it, and now it's just, like, blue skies, or is this something that you have to consistently come back to?
Alex Judd:I would say and I think we all know the answer to this. It's something you consistently come back to, but the the other thing that I want to say here is is kind of a higher standard comment is that there is sanctification in this. So the flavor of this that I engage with today is way, I you know, praise God, I think, more mature than the way I engaged with it four years ago. And my hope and prayer and desire and aspiration is that the way that I engage with my struggle around identity and business five years from today will be way more mature than the way that I'm doing it right now. And so do not use this, oh, man, that's always gonna be a struggle idea as a means for settling or not allowing to do for not allowing God to do a good work in you right now.
Alex Judd:Like, he has more for you than living with chronic guilt associated with lies that you're buying into or with truth that you're afraid to confront.
Ben Loy:Yeah. It's it's not a it's not an excuse to settle as much as it's just a note that you shouldn't be surprised when it surfaces.
Alex Judd:Yeah. I super well said. And, and what I would say too is when it surfaces, you should become practice at noticing and and dealing with it. Right now, you know, I think that would probably be one of the areas of maturity and growth is something that could be a month long struggle for me four years ago that I that has real ramifications for the way other people interact with me. I think the the lag time on it is shorter now because I notice it.
Alex Judd:I pray about it. I get wise counseling on it. And something that could have, you know, actually limited what God was trying to do for a month, right, now sometimes, like, is a week of wrestling prayer involving other people receiving grace and moving forward.
Ben Loy:So we've talked about, in some ways, the guilt that you should be feeling. Yeah. The guilt that you you shouldn't. Right? The lies that that we tell ourselves and then identity.
Ben Loy:Is is there anything else that you'd like to share?
Alex Judd:Man, I mean, Romans eight, like, there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Like, that is truth. And so while we said that some guilt is real and some guilt is not real, what we do know is there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. And you are created to move forward in freedom, and that means you need to release the bondage that is keeping you down of things that you did and actually, like, call those things what they are, which is wrong, which is sin, receive grace from them, and repent from them, and then stop living in lies. Like, do not live in lies and do not allow lies to become mental pathways that becomes habit, that becomes character.
Alex Judd:Expose those lies to the light of truth and move forward in the freedom that it provides. Thanks, Alex. Thanks, Ben. Hey, y'all. Thanks so much for watching.
Alex Judd:If you want more content like this, we've got some killer stuff planned. So make sure you rate, review, and subscribe. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
