3 False Narratives that Hold Leaders Back
So I started the business in June 2020, and in pretty short order, realized, like, oh, man. This is a virtual business. I'm traveling a lot. I can literally live anywhere. And in some ways, that's exactly what I did is I didn't just live anywhere.
Alex Judd:I lived everywhere. I reduced everything that I owned into one Rubbermaid box and lived all over the country for over a year. And that was a a really wild and really cool experience in so many ways. But obviously, you kind of draw out that path for a period of time was really busy, was moving very fast, would never go any, to any place for more than, you know, two, three weeks at a time. And one of the places that that put me somewhat inevitably is man really hungering for and wanting a sense of rootedness, a sense of community, a sense of place to call home.
Alex Judd:And I had kind of in my mind and in my heart that that's what I was searching for. And quite frankly, I I didn't identify it as this at the time, but I think if I were to describe my attitude about finding home in that time, I think the word I would use would be mopey. Like, I I think it was kind of mopey because I would just talk to people and I'd have like all these isms. Right? I I'd be like, man, I can live anywhere, but I can't live everywhere, so I have to choose somewhere.
Alex Judd:And it would just kind of be this woe is me like, man, it's really hard to find a home and and it's really hard to make really really good friends and man, life is really tough whenever I've been a little bit transient for the past couple years. Right? And that's the spot that I was in, but I was also taking action to find a place that I would call home. And it was in that that I made the decision to book a month long Airbnb in Phoenix with the kind of intention of saying, could this place be my home? I had the theory that it could, and now I was going to confirm.
Alex Judd:And I'll never forget, I was driving from where I was currently in Colorado out here to the Valley Of The Sun, And I had a phone call with a guy that's been a mentor of mine now for years. His name's Mike Valentin. He's actually the gentleman that married Aspen and I and just one of the most brilliant, faithful, passionate, energetic, zealful, men I've ever met. I I genuinely believe that. And I'll never forget that phone call because it was this really critical juncture where I was coming to Phoenix and was really kind of preparing to see could this place be home.
Alex Judd:And he very assertively just said, Alex, Alex, listen to me. He said, I want you to listen to me. And and when you go to Phoenix, I want you to think about the story that you were telling. I want you to think about the story that you were telling. And and the reason why he said that, I think, was because he had heard a little bit of the mopey narrative that had informed the way I kind of framed the past two years.
Alex Judd:And so he said, I want you to think about the story you're telling. He said, when you go to the coffee shop, when you try out churches, when you meet new people, when you go on hikes, and people ask you kinda about what you're doing in Phoenix and why you're there, he said, like, I want you to tell him a great story because people are interested in it and love a great story. And and he said, I want you to say, man, I have started a business just in the past couple years, and that's been an unbelievable experience, and it's given me an incredible freedom to be able to live all over the country. And so that's exactly what I've done. I've gotten to see different places and meet so many different people across this nation, and now I'm looking for my forever home.
Alex Judd:And I have this theory. I have this belief that Phoenix could be my forever home, and it's where God has me or he's placing me for the future. And now I'm just here to confirm to see if that's right. He said, I want you to tell a great story. And what's crazy is that nothing about that story that he kind of articulated and in some ways scripted for me wasn't true.
Alex Judd:It just wasn't the way that I had been framing it up to that point. So that's exactly what I did. I showed up with energy, showed up with passion, showed up with enthusiasm. And I'll never forget one of the places where it really started to click for me is I sat down at an event called First Wednesday at this church here in town. And I sat down at a roundtable and basically started articulating when people would ask me questions, the narrative, that Mike and I had kind of devised together about what's been going on and why I was in Phoenix for this month long stint.
Alex Judd:And today, I look back, and that church that I was at on that random Wednesday evening is now the church that I've gone to for four years. Most of the people that were sitting at that table are still close friends of mine that I see on a regular basis at church. And the woman I was sitting next to was a woman named Aspen that I ended up marrying, and now we have a daughter together. Praise god. And what's crazy is I could have sat at that table and had a mopey story that no one would have known how to respond to other than, like, I'm so sorry.
Alex Judd:That's so tough for you. And I probably would have left Phoenix at the end of a month because I would have said there's nothing for me there. And the principle that I learned that day that has just transformed the way I think about life and leadership ever since is the story you live in is the story you live out. And that's really gonna inform this episode and the next episode that we record. What
Ben Loy:you were doing before you had that conversation was you were telling yourself a false story, which is really what we're talking about. What is a false story?
Alex Judd:Yeah. I I I think that's a really good question. It's interesting because it's like there there were elements of the story that were true. So maybe the micro elements of it were truth, but the overarching narrative of how it all fit together was false. And that's what we're gonna kinda get into in this episode is the macro narratives that we buy into.
Alex Judd:Is I was articulating all of these individual truths of it's hard to not have a place to live. It's difficult to make big decisions about your future, and it's really challenging to create new friends. Those are things that are all true, but they were embedded in a false narrative. And that's why this can be so sinister and why this content that we're gonna walk through, I think can be so transformative is because the false narrative had a handful of different elements that we'll get more into, but the overarching false narrative is this reality is not a product of my decisions.
Ben Loy:Mhmm.
Alex Judd:There's nothing I can do about this reality, and there's no way that these hard things can actually connect to meaning and goodness or can be redeemed for something better. And because I had bought that false narrative, that framed the way that I I viewed some of the negative or challenging truths in a way that ultimately was destructive, not constructive.
Ben Loy:What are some of the narratives that our culture tells us right now in, when it comes to false narratives?
Alex Judd:Yeah. Well, the the three that we laid out, we did a full keynote talk on this at our most recent in person experience in Austin, and it was I was so passionate about delivering this talk because, it's something that has changed my life, and I was so excited to share it with the group of leaders that's in the room. And it's why I'm excited for this conversation today. But I I think the three that I really wanted to hit home on in that talk because I see these as being so prevalent for leaders and they're radically different, is heroic adventure, tragedy, and limited luxury. So those are the kind of the three false narratives that a lot of times if I see a leader hitting their lid, a lot of times it's rooted in a bad story, and these are the most common bad stories that I see being played out.
Ben Loy:Mhmm. Are they all bad? Like, is there anything good that can come out of a false narrative?
Alex Judd:For sure. I that's a good question. There are elements of truth to all of them. Otherwise, we wouldn't believe them is what I would say. It's just not the whole truth.
Alex Judd:And and very comparable to what we just talked about is, like, a lot of times we think because we see things that are micro true. We we say, oh, the overarching macro narrative is also true. A lot of times the micro truths do not convey that there's an overarching narrative that is also true, and they need to be recontextualized and repositioned to fall under the umbrella of a true overarching narrative. And and, you know, I I'm gonna show my cards here at the beginning. It's not a true overarching narrative.
Alex Judd:I think it's the true overarching narrative. And that's, you know, I I should give credit where it's due. A lot of this concept came from a book that, Jim Mullins, who's, one of my mentors in this season for business leadership in life, he recommended, and it's by Mike Goheen, who's here in the valley. And, ma'am, we need to get him on this podcast because I bet he'd be down. But it's a book called the drama of scripture.
Alex Judd:And what the drama of scripture says that we're gonna get more into in episode two or the next episode is that there is a true story of the whole universe, and it is the true story. And that is the overarching narrative through which we should contextualize everything. And that is an absurdly bold claim. Mhmm. What's crazy, though, is the more that I my eyes have been open to it, I'm like, I actually believe that.
Alex Judd:And when you believe it and understand it, it changes the way you literally view and do everything.
Ben Loy:Do you think, like, people are more susceptible to certain narratives than others? Like, is there is there one that you find yourself falling into, or is this something that we just have to like, we have to navigate and combat all three at any given time?
Alex Judd:Yeah. Good question. I would say, seasonally, I'm more susceptible to some narratives outside of others. Sometimes it's a cocktail of all three. And what I've really kind of focused on doing in the past couple years in particular is trying to be aware of which one or ones am I most susceptible to in this season.
Alex Judd:Because there are definitely times where I can subscribe to what we're gonna describe here here more in detail as a tragedy narrative, and that's the thing that I really have to watch my language, my thought patterns, my, actions to make sure I'm not subscribing to that. There's other times where quite frankly, that's the opposite of what I need to be worried about. Right? It's like, dude, you're not acting like a victim at all. You've got the opposite problem of that.
Alex Judd:So, seasonally, it can vary is what my experience has been.
Ben Loy:So let's jump into the first one.
Alex Judd:Yeah. Okay. So so the first false narrative. So this is the overarching macro story that we often live in. And because we live in this story, we often live out of this story, and it affects the way we view things.
Alex Judd:And because it affects the way we view things, it affects the way we do things. The first story is heroic adventure. And so if we were to put a thesis to the heroic adventure story that leaders so often buy into, the thesis would be I am happening to life. And, really, what that is kind of conveying is that, man, life is strictly the life that I experience is strictly and completely the result of my independent will. And that if things aren't going well, it's because I have not willed them to go well.
Alex Judd:And so the thing that I have to change is my will because if I will, it will come to pass. That's what the heroic adventure narrative buys in its most overt form. Mhmm.
Ben Loy:What are some of the perceived benefits of that? Like, why is that such an why is that an attractive thing that we'd fall into?
Alex Judd:Well, I mean, in many ways, this is this can be the a shade of the American story. I think if we actually look at the true American story, what we find is this absurd, scrappy independence, but also this insane level of, compassionate collectivism that's actually part of it. But we get a faulty American story now that just completely gets rid of the compassionate collectivism, and we we opt in for America. Right? Like the absurd, scrappy, independence, self made man, individual achiever.
Alex Judd:And so because this is the country that we live in, our country celebrates that in so many ways. And if if we wanna zoom in and say, man, if you are in a country that celebrates that, what's the the smaller sliver that celebrates it to a disproportionate degree? Entrepreneur business growth and personal growth circles without a shadow of a doubt. Right? Like, it's one of the reasons why I do not scroll on Instagram anymore because it's like, I mean, I'm an entrepreneur.
Alex Judd:Instagram knows that. It it fills my feed with messages that are all about my individual will for making my business what it needs to be and what that is going to do for me. Mhmm. And, man, it's the wrong story. Yeah.
Alex Judd:And to the degree that we get convinced that it's the right story, we're actually orienting our life around a narrative that will never be fulfilling or meaningful.
Ben Loy:Before we jump into why it's the wrong story, can you lay out a little bit more, like, what is, like, the the half truth that's underneath that?
Alex Judd:Yeah. Well, I mean, one of the other benefits of the heroic adventure narrative is you get this incredible degree of agency about you. Right? And what is agency? Well, psychologists would describe it as an internal locus of control, and that's compared to an external locus of control.
Alex Judd:So an internal locus of control is someone that says, man, I have a role to play in the future that I experience. And and the good thing is is that anyone I've ever met that has gotten out of debt, that has contributed to their marriage being better, that has, you know, started going to church for the first time, that has started working out for the first time, that has started to become a better mom or dad, that has started a business. Right? All of them had an internal locus of control. Like, had a degree of agency where they said, man, there's things that I can do that actually affect the results that we get.
Alex Judd:And that is biblical. Right? What you sow, you will reap is a proverb for a reason. Yeah. But what we're talking about here with the heroic adventure narrative is that it's both the reason, like, my will is the reason, and it's the total.
Alex Judd:It's not the partial effect. I'm not a participant. I get to impose my will. Right? There are business conferences where they tell you, you impose your will on marketplace.
Alex Judd:That's not how the marketplace works. Yeah. I have never once been on a sales call where I started the conversation by just saying, like, I'm gonna impose my will on you, and that ever went well. Right? Thankfully, I've never tried it.
Alex Judd:I just don't see that going well, short term or long term. So if we buy into that narrative that it's like, man, my will is the determining factor on my future in totality, we're buying into a false narrative.
Ben Loy:Mhmm. I mean, really what you're honing in on is stewardship versus versus control. Like, thinking that you control everything, it's all on you versus, oh, no. There are things in my life that I'm actually required to or or should be stewarding. Mhmm.
Ben Loy:But I I don't necessarily have ultimate control over how those things come and go and and what those look like.
Alex Judd:Yeah. And, I mean, you know, this is one of the things that I have to regularly remind myself of as early as this morning is, like, reminding myself I am not ultimately in control. And to the degree that that statement feels like dissonance to you, that you are not ultimately in control of the outcomes that you experience, if that feels stressful to you, that is an a prime indicator that you have bought into this narrative. Mhmm. Because if if it's causing you stress, it means the thing that represents reality, which is you are not ultimately in control of the outcomes you experience, the goals that you're setting and whether or not they're achieved, how people respond to what you do.
Alex Judd:Right? This the overarching success of your business. Right? You're not ultimately in control of that. If that is true, so if that causes you dissonance, the issue is not what's real.
Alex Judd:The issue is your expectations. And if your expectations don't align with reality, it will always create a ball of stress. And so the thing that someone who's susceptible to the heroic adventure narrative has to remember is I'm not ultimately in control, and we have to orient our expectations around that. That doesn't mean that we don't have a participatory role. It just means we're not ultimately in control.
Ben Loy:Where have you where have you heard this and or seen this in culture?
Alex Judd:Well, it's interesting. I I was thinking about this as I was writing the content, and I was like, man, it's it's almost like we get this idea that, like, we're in Mission Impossible, and we are Tom Cruise. Right? I did this great thing at the experience where I said, how many of you have seen Mission Impossible? Everyone raised their hands.
Alex Judd:Right? At least one Mission Impossible movie, right, out of the eight or whatever there are. Okay. And then I said, okay. Now, keep your hand raised if you can name the actor that plays the main character in Mission Impossible.
Alex Judd:The entire room kept their hand raised. Right? Obviously, Tom Cruise. Right? And then I said, okay.
Alex Judd:Keep your hand raised if you can name one single other actor or actress that's in that movie. And, I mean, 98% of the room's hands went down. Right? And and the other guys are nerds is what I would say. Right?
Alex Judd:And so it's like, we think that we are Tom Cruise. And the thing that happens whenever we think we are Tom Cruise and we think that we're in mission impossible is everyone becomes supporting cast that is really quite frankly irrelevant because mission impossible is about Tom Cruise. And so that's fine for a movie. It's an awful life strategy. But then I was like, man, why do we get this idea that, like, we are the hero and that, like, this life is all about us?
Alex Judd:And then literally, I I heard this quote from Joe Rogan on a Joe Rogan podcast. Keep in mind, this is the single most influential podcast voice in the world right now, and this is literally a direct quote. Okay? This is a direct Joe Rogan quote. You are the hero of your own movie.
Alex Judd:If your life is a movie and you are the hero, what would the hero do right now? Direct quote. Word for word. Right? And so we wonder, like, where do we where on earth do we get these ideas from?
Alex Judd:It is part of the air you breathe, the water you swim in, and the day to day life that you live. And so unless your mind and heart are filled with the true story, you will adopt the one that is most readily available to you. And if you're listening to that, that will be the one that serves itself up on a silver platter.
Ben Loy:Mhmm. So when you really, like, run this out, what are what are the reasons why this doesn't work?
Alex Judd:Yeah. I want I just wanna list what we have in the workbook here. You will have an unhealthy need for external approval. There will be an expectation that you are, quote, larger than life, which larger than life can sound like a compliment. You're not actually larger than life, though.
Alex Judd:So eventually, that runs its course. You will struggle to sustainably lead people because of your pace, selfishness, and vanity. You will feel a need to always be on. Relationships will operate as a supporting cast instead of a part of of life that is really meaningful and important. Mhmm.
Alex Judd:And you will disproportionately prioritize activities that feel heroic. Right? If I am consumed by the heroic adventure narrative, I have no place to empty the dishwasher, change diapers, or spend time on a Tuesday afternoon just having present conversation with my wife or my friends. I don't because that's not heroic. Right?
Alex Judd:And so to the degree that we buy into this narrative, those are going to be the things that we struggle with.
Ben Loy:I feel like the overarching theme in a lot of those is, like, you're you're building up this this image that is preventing you from being known.
Alex Judd:Yeah. I think that's absolutely correct. And and, I mean, we don't have time on this podcast, but it's like, I have experienced the negative ramifications of that, and it is not sustainable. Like, we know it to be true that it's not sustainable. And so the question is is, are you going to be humble, or are you going to be humbled?
Alex Judd:And humble humility is to have an accurate viewpoint of oneself. And you we can already see the perception that you or others have of yourself as larger than life is literally the opposite of humility. Mhmm.
Ben Loy:How I because I feel like this can also be sneaky. Like like because pride is really is the pride is a big part of this, but I feel like some people might might go, oh, well, I don't I don't feel, like, prideful, or I don't I don't feel adequate or whatever all the time, but they might actually be living into this a little more than they realize.
Alex Judd:So we said humility is to have an accurate viewpoint of oneself. Pride is to hold oneself in a high estimation. And it seems fitting that I is at the center of the word pride. Right? You're trying to bait me into singing a song right now.
Alex Judd:Y'all can go get the clip from the experience talk where I sang the song, but there's that Toby Keith song where he says, wanna talk about me. You wanna talk about I. I wanna talk about number one. Oh, my, me, my. Right?
Alex Judd:And that's a funny song. It's also a life strategy for many of us. I cannot tell you how many business owners that I've had conversations with at networking events or something like that. That I ask them a bunch of questions about their business and they say, man, my business did this. My business, you know, hit best revenue month ever.
Alex Judd:You know, my business is growing right now. My business is engaging in new marketing strategy. Like, I'm doing all of this right now. And we talk for ten or fifteen minutes. And the next question that I wanna ask them is, are you a solopreneur?
Alex Judd:I know they're not. They have like 50 people on their team, but you would have never known by the use of their pronouns. Right? And I mean my to the degree that that stuff infects all of your language, it's probably reflective of the fact that it also infects all of your mind. Mhmm.
Alex Judd:And you're putting yourself at the center of everything that's occurring. And as a result, you're buying into that heroic adventure narrative. And it it will be celebrated because you're doing all these good things for people. Mhmm. But if you are putting yourself at the center of it, then that's out of touch with what's actually real, which is God is the one that causes the growth, and, also, all of these other people are contributing, and you are just totally diminishing the role that they're playing in what you are experiencing.
Alex Judd:Mhmm.
Ben Loy:We're gonna go into this, I think, in more detail. But if someone's listening to this and they're like, oh my gosh. Like, this is me, or or I've been I've been living into this this false narrative or this lie, like, in this season, what would you say to them?
Alex Judd:Like you said, we'll go into it more in subsequent episodes. But I I would say, honestly, you're doing probably the best possible step, which is confession. Right? You will never fix what you refuse to see. You will never conquer what you don't confront.
Alex Judd:And, man, it can be really humbling to mourn the fact that you are so susceptible to making life, business, and leadership all about you when that is so opposed to the design of what it's actually for.
Ben Loy:Mhmm.
Alex Judd:And, like, I mean, I when I say mourn, I mean, like, actually mourn. Like, I have spent time where it like, you know, the scales proverbially fall off of my eyes, and I realize, oh my oh my gosh. All this trouble and stress that I'm experiencing is the fact that I've made this all about me. And I I'll have tears well up in my eyes in prayer. Praise God.
Alex Judd:Like, confession is always followed by grace, and it's not are we forgiven. It's have we received forgiveness, and it's when we receive that grace that actual transformation can occur.
Ben Loy:So we've talked about heroic. Yeah. Let's let's swing the other direction and talk about tragedy.
Alex Judd:Yeah. So let's swing the other direction indeed. So the heroic adventure thesis is I am happening to life. The tragedy thesis is life is happening to me. Mhmm.
Alex Judd:And it's characterized by this idea that I am a victim. And what I would really encourage business lenders and business owners, I would really encourage you not to turn off your ears in this section because, man, some of the most victim minded people I know are the ones who are most vocal about, I'm not a victim. No one's a victim. Right? They're acting like a victim.
Alex Judd:The way that this shows up, especially in business and leadership circles, is a lot more subversive and sinister than we often realize. So I just say don't don't mute me quite yet is what I would tell people.
Ben Loy:Explain that a a little bit more. Like, how does it subversively show up?
Alex Judd:Yeah. Well, let's use a couple quotes that we can be capable of using that actually represent a tragedy narrative oftentimes. My team just won't. I just wish we could. My family just isn't.
Alex Judd:I've never been able to. Right? These are things that when we say these, what are we conveying? We're conveying that the status quo about the present is what will always exist in the future. Or we're opting in for a vision of the future that is way more mythological than methodical.
Alex Judd:So let's break both of those examples down. My team just won't show up on time. My team just won't be organized. It's not possible in my industry to x y z. I I knew a pastor once that he said, man, we had to establish a rule for ourselves and within our team that we said, we're not able to say our team just won't or our church just won't.
Alex Judd:What we have to say is we have not led our people to. Because the minute that you change to that, you now have responsibility, but praise God, you also have the ability to respond. That's what responsibility is. Right? But to the degree that you're like, they just won't.
Alex Judd:Well, how do we how do we respond to that? You can't. Because if they just won't, then what do you do with that? You're just stuck with that. And so that's an example of a tragedy narrative.
Alex Judd:Right? Now I just wish we could. I just wish we could, you know, I just wish we could have the resources of those other businesses in our industry. I just wish we could have great talent like that. It must be nice to.
Alex Judd:Wish is literally a word that we find in fairy tales. Right? And to the degree that you are using language like wish or wouldn't it be nice to or man, I I must be nice to, you are basically saying this is something that's not possible for us. It is possible for other people. But the only thing that's gonna make it possible for us is luck or something, you know, mythological happening that I have zero input or control over.
Alex Judd:And so now you're basically exercising some really weird screwed up spirituality that is like basically like horoscope in your future. I just wish instead of saying, what is the desired future that I'm called to and what is the role that I'm supposed to be playing in the creation of that? And so those are a couple of different ways that we can subscribe to a tragedy narrative, but we can actually be very bold and assertive in the way that we do it.
Ben Loy:Where do you think that comes from?
Alex Judd:Universities. Yeah. Well Not not entirely, but, I I think that this narrative is growing. Right? And and the reason why it's growing right now is probably because the seeds were planted twenty or thirty years ago in our culture where people started to be taught that they didn't have any internal locus of control or agency over the outcomes of their life.
Alex Judd:And we started delegating agency over our individual life to, quite frankly, institutions. And when we do that, we actually become the thing that we feel like. We do become a victim when we start acting like a victim. So, I mean, I'm I'm certainly not an expert, but what I would say is the seeds were planted a long time ago for this becoming a culturally domineering thing that it is today.
Ben Loy:Mhmm. Because, I mean, people listen to this and they're like, well, that doesn't sound like an attractive like, that's not the way that I wanna live or a way to live your life. But it it really is I feel like it can be a sort of, like, cyclical or almost intoxicating, like, spay headspace to be in. Like, why do you think that is? Why is it so easy to fall into?
Alex Judd:Because it means that I don't have to take responsibility for anyone. Mhmm. Like, as long as I can blame other things or other people for what I'm experiencing in my life, then I don't have to take responsibility for it, which that's super attractive.
Ben Loy:Yeah.
Alex Judd:Right? You know, it's in saying that that, when I engage with this content still today, right, I have I have worked really hard to root out the tragedy narrative from my life. And yet still, when I engage with this content today, I have to position my heart prayerfully to say, do not point out the speck in other people's eye. Pull up the log out of your own eye. Because this is I I don't know what it is, but this is the one that people so aggressively call out in others, and they totally miss it in themselves.
Alex Judd:And and the the first person to do that can be me. And so what I find to be helpful is assume that there is somewhere in your life where you are falling for this narrative right now. Assume that it's happening, and devote your time, attention, and energy not to saying where are other people falling for this, but find where you are falling for it. And instead of being a victim, start actually building is what I would say.
Ben Loy:So we've talked about the the heroic narrative. We talked about tragedy. What's the third one? Because it's I think it's a little it's a little different, and yet I think our this is another one that our culture is just loud on.
Alex Judd:So Loud is right. Yeah. Especially, like, certain circles of our culture. Like, it's interesting, you know, if we were to overlay these these narratives into our four stages of business, founder, operator, CEO, owner, a lot of times, founders, you wanna market to a founder, give them a rogue adventure narrative. Right?
Alex Judd:Like, that will crush unless they've been in survival mode for a while, in which case you should probably opt for the tragedy narrative. Oh, it's so sad that this is where you are. Right? It must be so difficult to be to have the team that you have or things like that. Operators oftentimes stall out because they've adopted the tragedy narrative.
Alex Judd:Once we get to the CEO or owner stage of business, now you wanna market to those people, crush some limited luxury. Right? Because limited luxury is the narrative that life is for your comfort. Right? And that what is life?
Alex Judd:Life is a series of indulgences to be pursued or enjoyed and discomforts or struggles to be avoided. Mhmm. And so, you know, there's so many cultural examples of this, but, you know, again, let's go back to the Instagram feed. The number of people that literally give a message that from a private jet or from their penthouse suite or from, you know, some absurd location. Right?
Alex Judd:And, like, you can just tell the thing that they're selling here is the materials associated with what they're selling. Like, they're trying to sell you limited luxury. What they're really like, they might be saying words that have nothing to do with the jet that they're on, but the jet is what they're actually trying to sell you on. And it's this idea that, oh, man, life is this series of, again, indulgences to be enjoyed and discomforts to be avoided.
Ben Loy:I think it can be even more subtle than, like, a jet. I mean, I I look at what comes across my feed when it comes to limited luxury, and I think something that people really value and idolize right now in our culture is, like, the idea of of, like, this perfectly well rounded, like, balanced, optimized life or routine. It's like Mhmm. I have the perfect job that I enjoy that that only takes up a specific amount of time so that I can go out and I can crush my fitness and my health and my, you know, my whatever goals it is, family, community, travel. Like, I think there's things that just get piled on where maybe, you know, the generation above us would lean more towards, like, the idea of retirement and security.
Ben Loy:I think limited luxury for the younger generation right now falls more under experiences and, like, this idea of freedom. Yeah. So I
Alex Judd:I think it's That's well said.
Ben Loy:It it can be this is another one that I feel like can be a little more subtle and a little it can look different depending on the individual and what they really value.
Alex Judd:Yeah. And and and, you know, ultimately, what we're saying in both of those examples is comfort is the reason. Mhmm. Like, your whatever you define as comfortable, which can look way different from a 20 year old to a 60 year
Ben Loy:old,
Alex Judd:but whatever you define as comfort and luxury, that is the reason. Now don't hear what we're not saying here. We are not saying comfort, luxury, and all those things are bad things. They're not bad things. God gave us good things to be delighted in.
Alex Judd:They're just a terrible reason. Mhmm. And I think a lot of times, we are way more immersed and saturated in messages than we even realized that try to convince us that this is the reason for doing everything that you're doing right now. I mean, how many people do we know that just generally accept the reason why I work is so that I can have that comfortable and luxurious lifestyle in the future?
Ben Loy:Mhmm.
Alex Judd:Right? And are unashamedly working for that reason. That that is not why work was created. Mhmm. We'll get more to that in the next episode, but that is a massive departure from why work was actually created is just for my one day or even current comfort, satisfaction, luxury, and there's incredible problems that come whenever we start to treat comfort like a reason.
Ben Loy:Yeah. When does this, like, hit its breaking point? This pursuit has failed for people.
Alex Judd:I I'd be interested to know your thoughts here too. From my perspective, both in my life and observing others, I think it most often hits its breaking point whenever you achieve it.
Ben Loy:Mhmm.
Alex Judd:And the reason why I say that is because a lot of times you don't even know what it is. Right? But then also, maybe you do know what it is and you've had insane focus, and then you just realize how empty it is. And then it's this weird thing where you're not aware of everything that you sacrificed to get there until the day that you get it, and then you look back at everything that you sacrificed. Right?
Alex Judd:I mean, the number of men that I have talked to that got the exact thing that they hunted for for ten years, and then the minute they got it, that's when their eyes were open to the fact that they were no longer married and their kids wouldn't talk to them anymore. And, like, they it was almost like they didn't even see that as it was happening. It was like, but when they got the thing, that's when they learned it was the case. Limited luxury narrative that ultimately sabotages itself.
Ben Loy:Yeah. I think that that actually is probably a similarity that could surface from both limited luxury and the heroic narrative of, like, you have this pursuit or this picture of what whatever you want, whether it's whether it's comfort that you're idolizing or, like, on the heroic side, like achievement being the hero of your story. And then on the other side of that, yeah, just having this moment of, like, okay. Well, if there isn't a purpose, if there wasn't really a true purpose attached to it aside from something that was centered on me, like, you're just reach the end of that and go, well, cool. Like Exactly.
Alex Judd:Yeah. There and yeah. So there's a there's a great story about this is a parable, but, it's about a man in a Mexican fishing village, and this big corporate American guy, strong leader comes and visits this Mexican fishing village just on a vacation. And this American is drinking his coffee every morning, and he sees this this fisherman go out in his small little dingy boat and catch fish. And he fishes from about 6AM to 10AM every single day, comes back, and he has enough fish, food for his family, things like that, and then enough fish, to be able to sell so that he can support his family.
Alex Judd:And then he spends the rest of his time with his family after after 10AM. And the the American sits down with him eventually. He's like, what are you doing? Like, you have so much opportunity here. Let me help you.
Alex Judd:And the guy goes, what do you mean? And he says, like, if you worked even just a little, you don't have to work too much more, but just a handful more hours, like, every single day, you could catch more fish and sell more fish. And the guy said, well, why would I do that? And he said, well, then if you sold enough, you could buy another boat, and you could hire another fisherman to work for you. And he said, okay.
Alex Judd:Well, why would I do that? And, well, then he said, well, then, you know, you could start generating extended profit from there. And then if you generated extended profit, you could have a whole fleet of fishermen. He said, okay. Well, why would I do that?
Alex Judd:He said, well, I know some people in The States, and we could probably set up a deal where you could freeze and ship these fish once you have the margins to be able to do it, and you could start selling to The States. Man, you could you could just crush it. And he said, okay. But why would I do that? And he said, man, you don't understand.
Alex Judd:You could spend just your mornings fishing, and then you could hang out with your family for the rest of afternoon if you did all of that. And he's like, that's what I'm doing right now. Right? And I think that story is a simplistic version of what we often do. There's nothing wrong with buying another boat, creating a fleet of fishermen, even shipping fish to another country.
Alex Judd:Why though? And if you don't have a reason why, then that growth is just for the sake of growth and it's ultimately going to be fruitless.
Ben Loy:So we're gonna dive into, I guess, the answer and the the narrative that we should be living into in contrast to these. I guess before we we close out this episode, though, is there anything that you would like to say as it pertains to these three false narratives?
Alex Judd:I I would just say look in the mirror. Mhmm. And and like we already discussed, assume that you are radically susceptible to one of these, and then, define what that is, and then ask yourself or others the question, how does that show up practically in my life? Like, how is that, keeping me from the man, the woman, the leader, the Christ follower, the business owner, the leader that God has called me to be and name those things, confess those things? And then what we're gonna focus more on is, like, replace those false narratives with truth.
Alex Judd:Thanks, Alex. Thanks, Ben. Hey, all. Thanks so much for watching. If you want more content like this, we've got some killer stuff planned.
Alex Judd:So make sure you rate, review, and subscribe. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
